Stupid Republicans

I just learned they're trying to make divorce more expensive for women here.  We recently had an idiot  lawmaker propose a 90 day waiting period and a slew of expensive classes for people seeking divorce in this state. 

I can't even afford child care to work.  How in the heck am I supposed to pay for it to go to parenting classes? 

What the heck is this man thinking? 

I guess I'm going to have to file before I have the  money or else it's going to get a heck of a lot more expensive for my ex and I.

We've slept apart since '07.   He's left me three times since '01; all around Christmas. In '01, his uncle told him he wouldn't speak to him until he left me (because I went to graduate school, of all things).  My husband left.  I was three months pregnant. 

We have a ten year old daughter. Her grandmother will call over here from time to time and leave messages on the answering machine claiming that I aborted this precious child.

These people are sick. I don't know what to do about it.

On Christmas of '08, he left with a promise to get mental health help that really never materialized.  He stayed at a hotel watching movies for a week before coming back.  Then he went to a DV class that really didn't help much.  I mean, he has stopped hitting things but he still won't treat me with respect.  Now, he just refuses to talk to me.....about anything.    

In '10-'11, he left again.  I don't know why but I had to let him back when I learned he was sleeping in his car.  He promised to let me get a job, use our savings to help me get through a certification course, help me with childcare and tell the truth about our finances.  Those promises never came to fruition. 

He's gained 250 lbs. over the course of the marriage.  He says it is because he is depressed.

I believe him.  He misses his family of origin. 

It was unfair of his family to ask him to choose between them and his wife.  It is an impossible thing for a man.  I really should leave because he needs them more than he needs me. 

His mother and father expected me to take care of them in their retirement (e.g. housework, elder care).  Of course, they didn't say that until after we were married.  When they learned that I went to graduate school, they ceased communication with their son until our divorce. 

I quit school to keep the peace. 

They still glare at me when I run into them. 

They refuse to speak to their son.  He misses them. 

I need to leave. 

I don't know how this happened but as of today, no one is working a real job.   The kids have no health insurance, our savings and retirement is gone, we can't talk. 

We have no money.  I was hoping to remedy that before filling for divorce...but...the lawmakers are pushing me.

There was abuse when we were talking.  If we don't talk, all is well.  If he ever hit me or destroyed property, I wouldn't want him to have a criminal record or traumatize the kids by having them see their father get arrested, so I would suck it up. 

I did not want to ask for alimony or child support as to increase the tension. 

I wanted to do it on my own, without bankrupting him. 

It won't happen if the State forces me to shell out additional funds. 

This marriage isn't working. 

He promised when he gave me that ring that I could hold a job.  He promised I could finish my Ph.D. 

He promised a lot of things. 

Then he took my money, my car, and my life. 

He yelled at me when I went to church. 

That one hurts me the most.  This may be why I'm confused about religion.  Why would God allow such a thing to happen to me? 

I was injured in a car accident in '01, when I was six months pregnant, but he still expected me to do hard labor, despite the doctor's orders.  We had just moved and he refused to move the boxes with the kids' clothes in it.  I had to do it and I do have issues because of it.  I need to have an operation to fix the damage. I could never arrange the childcare or help around the house, even when I had insurance.  I sucked the pain up.    

He refused to let me have pain relief when I was giving birth.  I had to schedule to be induced for his convenience (otherwise I had no ride to the hospital).  When I asked for pain relief, he yelled at me and left to get dinner.  I was in the room alone for at least an hour before a nurse answered the buzzer.  They had a tiny baby boom and they ignored me because they thought he was there.  Sadly, I spent a good chunk of that time on the floor trying to make my way to the bathroom as to not make a mess on the bed.   I was so grateful for the nurse who came to help me, I named our little girl after her. 

This marriage is sheer hell. 

He is angry at me.  He claims I'm stupid just like his mother and sister and goes into rages about things that happened when he was ten years old. 

Those rages have nothing to do with me. 

He was nice for the five years we dated.  Then we got married.  His family got weird and he freaked out. 

We've been together twenty years. 

He says I gave him too much.  He says he's sorry for breaking my heart and that he'd like to take everything back. 

Other than that, nothing changes. 



Isn't fifteen years long enough for us to know this isn't working? 

I've tried therapy. 

He's tried therapy. 

It won't work. 

Therapy just made things worse.

I go to bed and cry about an hour before falling asleep.  I generally wake up four hours later.  This has gone on for well over a decade. 

I know...it's time to go. 

I can't really afford to file now.  I could pay the lawyer if I don't get an office or a place to live.  I could file if I put the kids on welfare and got on workfare...the kids would be neglected and we'd have to live on Section 8 but heck, it's doable that way. 

I'd rather not give our nanny state any more power over our family.

I don't want to do that....I want to do this as painlessly as possible.  All I need is time and the ability to find creative solutions without having to take on more needless tasks. 

I don't think I could afford to take time off for long parenting classes or to pay for them.  I'm sorry -  but if this new law passes making it harder to divorce, I am going to have to file before it is implemented. 

I'll have to broach the topic soon.  I hope he doesn't lose his temper. 

I'd rather save the money for our daughters' braces, health insurance, or something the kids need rather than waste them on parenting classes and paying a lawyer for a 90 day waiting period. 

Oh, I have a degree in child development, so this is really disgusting to me.  I do consider the kids.  That's why I have walked on eggshells for so long.  That's why I haven't left.  That's why I don't go on welfare.  That's why I do the crazy things I have to do to survive. 

Stupid lawmakers.  They honestly think that people don't think about the needs of their kids?

Why do they think I stay home rather than fight with their father about holding a job outside of the home?

Why do they think I didn't take part in workfare...it's a job outside of the home that doesn't allow me the funds to pay for a sitter? 

I wanted to do right by the children and be here for them before and after school. 

For years, I've lived off of outdated protein bars and powder that I bought on Ebay in '08 with money I made selling my old stuff.  They've got a lot of fat in them and trigger gallbladder attacks..but hey...it's food!  I've gained 19 pounds eating them.  My skin and hair look like crap, too. 

The family gets the real food...we don't qualify for food stamps because I'm doing what I can for the kids and not working for $1 in benefits an hour.  I'm trying to find an alternate income stream so I don't have to ask for alimony or child support.

These proposals will make survival impossible. 

Lawmakers have no sense of reality. 

Maybe God is speaking to me through them. 

Maybe it is time to leave. 

I can't do this anymore. 

It hurts too much. 

I really regret getting married and giving the government a license to control my life.

Never again....

never again....

I don't believe in government sanctioned marriage anymore. 

Love,


S.

P.S.  Maybe I should move to a new county and fight some dork muffin for his seat? 

I'm obviously more conservative than he is. 

I'm seriously thinking about it.  If I don't run, I can help an opponent win. 

Idiot!