Darn...

It's almost 2:00 a.m. and I still can't sleep. 

Last night I baked dog biscuits untilt 3:00 am to stop thinking of HIM.

Today, I'll just pray to meet someone who owns a cast iron skillet and doesn't mind smacking me in the head with it. 

Nevermind...

all I need to do is call my ex, he'd do that for me. 

Please...please...

someone asked me what I wanted for Christmas....

what I want no one can buy me. 

She came close. 

My aunt bought me a book on metaphysical soul contracts to try to explain the wild ride I've been on for the past twenty years.   I owned a couple copies of the book but the reminder to read it is priceless. 

I love my aunt.  Maybe the book will help explain the crazy dreams, the conversations with my high school sweetheart during the death of my marriage, the rape that broke us up, my work with rape victims, and running for mayor which led to helping keep a rape victim out of jail for using the word 'cunt' while describing the assault around a cop...

Yep...you can get arrested for offending a police officer with a curse word.  I nearly wrote a song about it and ridiculed the cop, city council and city attorney on YouTube -but- cooler heads prevailed and the city attorney grew his nards back, realized he wasn't acting like a man, and dropped the freakin' charges. 

I'm a better satirist than I am a politician. 

No matter the holiday, I will never get the gift I desire.  I just want someone kind to give me a reason to go to bed at a decent hour. 

My heart hearts.  My eyes are watery.  My throat is numb from the alcohol. 

Did I mention the horrid pain in my chest? 

I don't know how to go on.  I just know that I have to. 

I can hear my ex snore from the basement. 

Is there a way to stop this pain? 

I don't know how much more I can take. 

Sipping my whiskey and trying to fall asleep on the last night of the year,

S.