From Siegfred to Simon Baker

My auntie always explains my personality in terms of Television shows. 

As a kid, she likened me to Siegfried from "All Creatures Great and Small".  As bizarre as it was for my teenage self to be compared to an aging old man, I never asked her why he reminded her of me. 

I, quite honestly, don't see the resemblance.  Other people did and that is why the nickname Siegfried stuck to me like the smell on a skunk's tail. 

Now, she says that she watches 'The Mentalist' because Simon Baker reminds her of me.

I could never get more than ten minutes into any TV show before getting up and doing something else. I don't know what she sees there either:

There are problems with being an empath.  I always know when people lie to me.  NLP helps because I can name what I sense and explain to people how I know they are lying.  Sometimes it is an issue of the pitch of their voices, or the movements of their eyes, or a change in skin tone.  

It still sucks not being able to fall for other people's baloney.

The day is only a few hours old. 

I woke up to dreams of the man in the basement throwing pies in my face. 

Yeah, my subconscious mind is saying what I refuse to hear.  He is lying to me.  I ran off to bed last night after having him try to sneak a kiss.   All I said was "your actions do not match your words" and he said he has been meaning to put the money back in our joint bank account. 

That wasn't what I meant but I guess he knows that he's been a bad boy. 

I awoke this morning to the teenager crying out claiming to be in pain.  Her head hurt, her stomach hurt, everything hurt.  Her pitch kept getting higher and higher. 

I run to the room and watch her eyes dart back and forth. 

Her temperature was normal.  Her skin was normal. 

She was in tears. 

We just went through this twice last week but, in that case, I had the flu as well.  I let her stay home thinking she was fighting off my sickness.  This time, she was obviously faking, I just couldn't put my finger on it. 

Finally, I had enough and asked her to cut the crap.

Then I learned that she has a test in English today. 

Man, there are days when I wish I could be stupid enough to fall for liars - life would be so much easier. 

Maybe I should be happy that I'm me. 

It would be funny if I could combine the characters of Siegfred and Simon Baker.  Wouldn't it be fun to catch someone in a lie and play a horrid prank on them? 

Maybe I'll buy some plastic vomit today and keep it in my room.  That way, the next time the teenager fakes an illness, I can just throw it on her bed and wait or her reaction.  If she's sick, she'll lose it (in a way I don't want to describe) and if she's well she'll lose it and laugh. 

Scheming is fun...

Love,

S. 

P.S.  I do know this guy who gets a little happy to see me.  In an attempt to hide the evidence, he'll cross his legs in figure four (which according to some body language experts means 'I can't believe this is happening') and grin like a banshee. 

My reply is always a concerned "What?"  My meaning is "what are your trying to tell me?"

For more years than I care to admit to being alive, his reply has always been "nothing." 

He always says it using a sing-song voice, mimiking the tones of the average door bell as he sings "noth-iiiiiiing". 

If it helps, he sounds more like the third doorbell sound on this video taken up a third and make the last note really, really sharp.  It's kind of cute! 

The man has his own little horny ding-a-ling in denial song.

Too bad I cannot think of a tasteful prank for him.  Maybe I can bring along a sound effect app and tell him to answer the door because denial is knocking.

nah....

Hmmmm....I'm not going to worry about it.  One of these days, he'll find a hot girlfriend and he'll stop singing to me. 

I have faith. 

Cheers!