Called Out on Leap Year

I'm a hypocrite. 

That's right. 

I admit it. 

A couple of weeks ago, I had a marriage protection activist call me out (quite publicly) for being a married Libertarian. 

I don't believe in the government.  I don't believe in marriage.  Why in the world do I have the same last name as the father of my children?

She's right.  Here is the deal, not everyone believes the same things I do. 

I think that marriage is a couple's commitment to be taxed by the government.   You get taxed to sign the license.  You get taxed at a higher rate after getting married.  The government claims parens patriae over any children that come from said union.  When it ends, you agree to let the government meddle in your lives and tax you for the privilege of peace granted to you by a divorce. 

I don't know why gay people want to get married but I'll fight for their right to get taxed at a higher rate if that is what they want.  God made them the way they are.  Who am I to tell them to be any different than the way God made them? 

Marriage is not real. 

I'm married because of a stupid promise I made 20 years ago.  His family believed in marriage.  He believed in marriage.  I didn't.  I had to actually be hypnotized to get through the ceremony.  It wasn't stage fright.  I talk in front of people all the time.  I was afraid of being trapped in a marriage. 

It's true... I don't believe in marriage.  

Nope.

I never did.

People think that marriage is the cement that holds two people together.  It isn't. 

I learned this lesson the hard way over the past six years when I had dreams of an old flame getting hurt.  I feared he would die in an accident.  I prayed to see him alive.  I had no idea how much I loved him until I looked into his eyes and realized how happy I was that he was still alive and doing fine.   I left the room said a prayer of gratitude and he caught me.  He looked at me and just smiled.  I'm not sure he knew why  I was so happy.  He brought me so much joy just by being alive.

The look in my face must have betrayed the love I held for him.  He was my best friend when I needed a friend the most.  He was my first love. 


Way back in '86, this dear friend and I would discuss marriage.  He wanted to get married on leap year.  I don't know why.  I assume he hates having to remember special dates or he wanted to be different. 

He was different, in a good way.  He is a lot of fun, despite him pretending to be an old curmudgeon.  

I always think of him on February 29th.

I also have a friend with his last name whose actual birthday is today.  I'm so jealous of her because she's only eleven!!! 

She looks great for being eleven!

This year the thoughts of my old friend was worse than the others.

I got in a little fight with the man in the basement over how my credit got freaked because I didn't pay the government to end this union sooner.  I left before it came to blows and went to the library that I tried to have shut down. 

Fighting with this ex makes me wonder how crappy I am as a love.  I want to beg forgiveness from all my exes for being a snotty brat. Fighting with him makes me question my value as a human being.
In high school, I didn't want to marry my dear friend because I wanted to be a musician/celebrity.  Now, I'm a horrid musician and, if I'm a celebrity, I am the local equivalent of Hitler....well, at least in the eyes of librarians. 

It's a long story.  The local government stole money from the libraries and gave it to the police department.  They wanted a tax hike but didn't promise it to the libraries.  I told the people the truth.  The tax didn't pass.  Now I'm evil. 

Sadly, the local government is now stealing money from the police to give to the libraries but that's another story for another day.

Why don't politicians just tell you what the money is for and use it for that purpose and that purpose alone?  If they don't do that.  They are lying to you.  I'm saddened by liars.  I hate lies of omission the worst. 

I hate politics.  There is only one person in the world who knows how much I would prefer to volunteer than to run for office. 
I miss my friend.  I don't want to miss my friend.  I was going somewhere with this but my wine/vodka heart mending elixir is messing with my brain cells. 

What was the point of this post?

Hmmmmmmm....

OH, I Remember!!! 

Marriage is not the glue that holds people together. 

The glue that holds people together is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE! 

Love....

It doesn't leave when its true or when its real. 

It sticks around when it is honest, respectful and selfless. 

It hangs out even when it's uncomfortable and we want to stop feeling it. 

It is with us even when we find it confusing and confounding. 

It lingers even in those times when it is inappropriate. 

It allows us to speak truths we never would speak otherwise.

It forces us to pray for the happiness of the other.  For that happiness is all that matters.
 
Love....all I want is for the happiness of those that I love.

The happiness of the one that I loved first.  The one that taught me how to love.


I would go to the ends of the earth if I knew it would make him happy. 

skyclad


It would be inappropriate to ask him to refresh my memory.  Maybe if I hypnotize myself to go back to 1987....

maybe.....

well...


maybe it's better this way. 

That way, if I run into him and a new future wife, I won't blush. 



Yeah...I'm insane. 



If I allow myself to love you, it will be until the last breath that I breathe.  I'll stay with you if that is what you want.  I'll leave if that is what you need. 

The one I'm with now needs me to leave.  Based on his behavior, he is begging for a divorce.  He just doesn't want to be the bad guy.  He wants me to leave him so he can maintain his reputation as a nice person.  I get it. 

I wish I knew where I belonged. 

I'll figure it out. 

Hopefully by the time I find the place I need to be and the one I should love, the dark clouds of my confusion will have lifted.  

Love ya,

S.