Vendetta By Proxy

Emotional abuse is often best described as Vendetta By Proxy; someone has issues in his or her past and works it out by attacking the person closest to him or her.

I'm tired of being ignored, having to change the course of my career without notice, being yelled at, being denied medical care and not being told about where our assets are going....

because I'm a woman

and women are stupid because the man in the basement considers his mother and sister stupid. 

I'm tired of being seen as a lying skank because some chick at the city building lies. 

I'm tired of being told that I have to stay here because he's 500 pounds and is trying to kill himself with food. 

I couldn't sleep after hearing that last one. 

He thinks he'll be dead within five years. 

So..

I asked for a one year separation.  One of us moves out and a judge figures out who pays what.  We'll both get therapy.  He needs to figure out why he's so mad at women, I'm tired of being the target of his vendetta against his mother, his sister, and his former boss.   If he can fix it within himself, then he can date me again.

He said no. 

I asked for a divorce. 

He said no. 

So....in the middle of the night, I schemed and figured out what I'm going to do...

The kiddos are going to have to get to know his family.  They've got to get close to his sister, his brother, his auntie, his uncle, his mother and his father.  They've got to know his cousin, my former best friend from high school....that way, if he dies, they will know that side of their heritage. 

I was an orphan.  I don't want them to suffer the same fate. 

He is quiet now. 

He hates his parents more than he loves me. 


I can't stand the loneliness.  I remember crying in the middle of the night way back in '04.  Now, after years of sleeping alone, I will get about two hours of sleep before I wake up wailing. 

There is an emptiness that I can't cope with very well. 

Every night it gets worse. 

Last night it made me sick.  I haven't been able to hold my food down today. 

This is certainly going to be a growth experience. 

I'm praying. 

Maybe I can find a job that allows me to travel, that would be the perfect solution.  I can support these guys but not cry so much here. 

I'll let you know. 

Love,

S.