Toy Karma

The toy....

I think it was for me. 

It was my favorite color....

Lime Green. 

Yep....

Why is lime green my favorite color? 

Well....

that's due to stupid, youthful, dumb hypnosis and an insecure guy who thought I'd get bored of him. 

When I see the color, I scream. 

It came in handy when he wanted to thrill me without the ability to touch me. 

It worked until he got caught lying about money and refused to talk to me about working.

Well...it still works.  He doesn't know that.   The entire house is painted with designs of that color. 

Nothing happens here....nothing...nada....zip...zilch...

A man I've known since I was a kid caught me moaning at the doorway of a sandwich shop.  He hustled me outside and offered me a cigarette.  He always knew how to help me see the funny side of life.  

Another hypnotist offered to cure me of it....I didn't let him.  He did help me overcome what happens when I walk barefoot....although there is still some grinning about that on Skype.

It was far worse that the green thing...

They are going to drag me to the beach during the next convention....just watch. 

I'll never tell.  He promised to tell the world if I'm ever dumb enough to run for office again as to put a chill on any political aspirations I may develop in the future. 

It's good... it has to do with unintentionally anchoring something great doing something really, really, really fun.  When my feet were touched, I felt that again. 

It doesn't happen now.

On Sunday, the man in the basement used his Paypal account to pay $100 or so for the candles and oils for a religious ritual.  My credit was smashed during his latest game, so I had to use his account to pay. 

He said that since we were still married and because he would benefit from what I was doing, he should pay for it but I disagreed and I gave him cash I earned to buy something for himself.   It would be untraceable, so he could buy anything. 

The agreement was that he had to buy something for him and no one else.  If he starts attending to his own needs, maybe....just maybe....he'll start taking care of himself. 

Well...

there is a lime green pump in the basement. 

I don't want to say what I saw....

when I was somewhere that I should not have been. 

I'm terrified by what I saw....

It can't be healthy....

I think it lost its blood flow. 

I briefly saw something underneath his belly. 

It was ghostly white...almost neon.  The room was dark, yet I could see this white ball glowing in the darkness where his stuff could be. 

I asked him if he was wearing a rain jacket or other prop....he said he wasn't. 

Then I felt scared. 


I shrieked at him and, embarrassed, asked him to check on his friend. 

Oh, no....

I'm worried he's going to have nerve damage....

serves him right for not paying the bills and lying to me about it. 

Well, no it doesn't. 

Nerve damage means he's not going to find my replacement and that I'll be stuck here forever. 

So...

yes...

I am praying for his penis. 

Maybe I need to set up an altar to Priapus. 

I don't know...


He's laughing at me. 

Forgive me..... 

It's my fault for taking him with me when looking for jade marbles. 

I blame myself. 

I am probably going to stay here due to the guilt, huh? 

If he can't plow, who is going to do his dishes or wash his clothes? 

I need therapy. 

This is going beyond codependent. 


Today....

I left the house to go to the thrift shop.  I want a vintage white lace dress. 

There was a guy that resembled another ex making eyes at me.  He'd look at me, drop his head and stare at his shoes before looking back up.   He'd follow me but always kept a safe distance two isles away, his tall head bobbing up and down to keep tabs on me. 

He was too young for me but still I let him play. 

I perused the store, looking at the china, a Yamaha saxophone with a super nice case, and the one thing that made me laugh so hard that I had to leave the store...

Do you want to know what I saw? 

I saw a box of medical pumps and another box of  huge syringes.  My thought was why buy a pump or a syringe....all one has to do is find a woman willing to play the part of a vacuum and viola...it's all pumped up! 

I was grinning like a bad redhead. 

What a nightmare. 

The guy followed me to the supermarket but I couldn't contain myself. 

I had to go home. 

Life is weird.

Love,

S.