Strange Love

Well....

The man in the basement wants me to stay and help with the kids. 

He says this is so because he loves me but refuses to speak to me about my holding a job or finishing my education. 

The conversation ended with him getting angry and sulking. 

It always does....

That's how we never talk. 

I'll want to resolve an issue and he'll feign anger. 

It's a passive aggressive thing. 

I need to leave. 

He wants me to stay to help with the kids. 

My life is passing me by. 

He swears he's not 500 pounds.  I don't know his weight as the scale broke when he hit 350. 

At 350, he had a 44" waist.  He has a 54" waist now. 

I need to get the skills necessary to support the household on my own. 

If I don't work....the kids won't get what they need. 

He's not taking care of his health. 

I'm terrified he's going to die. 

I've got to step up. 

If I can't do it here then I've got to leave. 

I hurt....very badly. 

Today, I told him that I can't do another year of celibacy. 

I told him that I'm having bad thoughts. 

He told me not to let the kids see. 

There is nothing for them to see. 

He's assuming that I'm getting my needs met here with someone else.  What the holy heck is he thinking?   

There is no one.  I'm hiding from my crush just so that I can continue to say that I'm a good person. 

I am thinking of buying a trailer and moving it from camping site to camping site just to get the hell out of here and still be available to help him with the kids.  Beyond that, I don't have a clue what to do.

The lawyers want me to take the house. 

I don't want bad karma. 


Besides, I could never be with anyone else in this house. 

I've got to move. 


What to do.....what to do...

The question of the day for me is how in the hell did I get here? 

Let's see...

Mother-in-law problems. 

If mommy doesn't like you, the marriage dies. 

It's been dead since '99. 

I'm wearing out my welcome. 

My Republican buddies convinced me to stay and keep my promise. 

I did. 

Why can't he keep his promises to me? 

It'll be another long night in tears...

I want to move. 

This place is so crazy. 

I'm going crazy. 

Help me. 

I'll pray to my Deity at midnight tonight.

I can't be expected to continue living like this.  I can't help anyone if my life is in such shambles. 


Love ya,

S.