Subliminal Stupid

Say....

You're sitting at the bar and the guy who smells like he hasn't seen a shower in weeks is grabbing at your crotch. 

Why is he pitching a tent? 

Oh..crap...

He doesn't understand the word "NO!" and he is taking the phrase "F-CK YOU" a little too literally. 

What to do....

What to do....

Hmmmmm....


You didn't bring a date, did ya? 

Oh my....

And you're not a hypnotist and can't make him think he has to pee....

And you don't have the nerve to passionately kiss a girl and say you're a lesbian. 

You don't want to slap him because you'll end up getting bailed out. 

How are you going to get out of this one? 

How did you get into it in the first place?

Did you check your shoes? 

Unlike the shoes Dorothy wore, when you click your feet together you're flashing the word "SEX" to all the perverts in the room to see. 

That's why they can't stop thinking about sex...

with you...

You should have worn the red glittery pumps. 

Here is the deal. 
Subliminal garbage works. 

I play with visual subliminals all the time. 

All the freakin' time...

It's so easy to put words into the backgrounds of artwork.  You know it works when men can't walk after looking at your stuff. 

Heck, my marriage has been one twenty year seduction.  The past four years, though, have been unintentional. 

If you want it to last....that's what you do....you seduce...you change it up....you make him want to play.   If you want it to die, you best learn to act like a quiet old lady whose vagina has fallen out.  I'm having trouble with the latter. 

The problem is that I haven't figured out how to change all my old habits. 

I still catch myself.....don't wear vanilla lotion.  Don't grin.  Don't sing Cole Porter songs in his presence.  Don't forget the padded bras.  Always were a shirt under your low cut blouses.

One of these days I'll be too old and saggy to give the guy in the basement watery eyes. 

About the shoes....

if you want a guy to dig in

there are better ways to get his attention. 

Let me help you...

Cinnamon....

Vanilla....

Nutmeg...

Or better yet, make yourself feel like a seductive goddess (don't make me tell you how to do that).

Men can smell arousal and the available ones clamor for it.   

Make sure you play that game with guys who are your age and have the same hobbies, otherwise you'll be chasing away babies.  Younger men are more attuned to it for some reason. 

If you smell like Christmas, they can't get enough...

You'll remind them of

warm memories, happy days, cold nights that need snuggling...

It works like a charm.

I'm allergic to cinnamon, so it has become my bargain botox.  One swipe of that crap and my wrinkles blow themselves inside out.  Rub a green grape on the wrinkle, go to sleep and I look ten years younger the next day. 

When I talk to the man in the basement, I get one angry wrinkle and three worried wrinkles (six after he aspixiated his chicken and left it gasping for blood flow....that poor, poor, man).  The next day I looked calm and relaxed as I begged him to see a urologist.

Using the cinnamon, I can end up with guy buddies if I don't rinse my face well.   The last time I went to a mall, someone asked me if I wanted a Cinnamon roll. 

I wonder where he got that idea.

And...sadly...I had to say NO lest he call an ambulance!


Love,

S.

And....Cole Porter Karaoke and a slinky red dress with a plunging neckline and 5" red strappy heels can work to get men, too...

but....only if you can sing...and use the microphone as a mini stripper pole at the same time.

I like Karaoke.  I get lots and lots of food thrown at me that way....

it saves on groceries. 

Hey...don't laugh...I never had to use food stamps.  There are other ways.