In-Laws' Illness

Two days ago I fielded a phone call stating that my father in-law had stage one lung cancer.  I told his son. I asked them to call their son directly but they declined.

This morning my former best friend from high school called and left a message making sure that I let my ex know that his father had esophageal cancer, stage iv and inoperable. 

I asked my ex to call his family. 

Do I dare educate him on the problems of dealing with elderly narcissists?   It's all about boundaries, boundaries, boundaries and covering your @$$. 

I have a letter they sent in '02 disowning him.  It all started the day I won some money in '99, bought a car and offered my old one to his brother.  My mother-in-law called and spent an hour b!tching  about my brother-in-law borrowing her car and that she didn't like having to walk two blocks to work every day.  I had just purchased one and was getting ready to donate my old car to charity, so I figured I'd just offer it to his brother. 

That pissed his mom off because she couldn't make demands of her son anymore in exchange for letting him use the car.  So, my mother-in-law started a campaign of harassment that would make the Nazi's look like kittens. 

She had her daughter terrorize the renters next store with her handgun.  They had their police officer friends threaten my neighbors.  They didn't know my neighbors were paranoid alcoholics which made things really get interesting for our family (they would take BB guns and brandish them in our windows and file false complaints with the authorities).


My sister-in-law went to visit with my graduate academic advisor to tell him that I was a bad wife for going to college (which actually got me concerned phone calls from my professors who knew I was being abused). 


They spread so many lies about me that I couldn't keep up. 

At one point I started getting phone calls from my brother-in-law's bill collectors who swore up and down that I was his wife and owed them money. No, I have never nor am I currently married to anyone named William!

I am not getting into the physical attacks against my daughters nor the threats to beat me up.  This is the short and sweet version. 


Then there was someone who claimed my mother-in-law owned the house that I scrimped and saved to buy before I married her son....sigh....she has nothing to do with our finances. 



I had an internet store and they wanted to use my tax ID to buy high end wholesale jewelry tax free (not realizing that I would have to pay that tax as they would be the end user). 


In '01, due to the problems with the neighbors, we  ended up selling the house at $65,000 profit and throwing all of the remaining money on a new one on the other side of town.  We were careful not to share our forwarding address and phone numbers.  We made sure to stay unlisted as to end the harassment. 



Due to a twist of fate, one of my professors lives directly across the street.  This person tried to get me to leave numerous times over the past eleven years but I fear she fails to understand the gravity of the situation. 


Within three days of moving, I was in a head-on car crash that mangled my spine, my reproductive organs, my feet and my knees.  This led to the most frightening experience of my life. 

Within a year I lost a baby.  It was Valentine's day 2002.  I was a sick, dizzy, fainting and bloody mess.  Once we realized what had happened, I had to get a rhogam shot to save my fertility.  Upon arriving home, in tears, from the doctor's office,  I checked the answering machine.  The children overheard a gruesome message from their paternal grandmother calling me a "baby killer".  She said that I was supposed to call her immediately or she would go to her niece's house (her niece was my best friend from high school) and beat her up.  I saved the answering machine tape.  



Upon hearing that my mother-in-law actually did drive over to my former friend's house and threaten to "hurt" her, she received a succinctly written cease and desist order offering her complementary family counseling.   



In response, my ex got a letter from his father that was not very kind to me and disowned him.  That was when my ex amped up the abuse towards me.  Maybe some day I'll write about it.  I tried to get him into therapy as he would constantly disassociate and take on the personality of an angry ten year old boy.  The insurance wouldn't cover it. 

I wanted to leave him but didn't feel right about it.  I couldn't leave the kids alone with him either. 

There must have been some horrible abuse in his childhood.

I'm still walking on eggshells. 

I mean, it is none of my business.  I got caught up in something that I shouldn't be a part of.   I've had so much therapy over the years to help me deal with this crap.  It's been about five (maybe six now) years since his ten year old self has shown up and threatened to kill his mother.   He does constantly compare me to her but he has never threatened to kill me. 


This is why I won't hypnotize him.  I don't know what would happen if I tried to help him lose weight or sleep better.  I'm not sure if he has DID or if he's a hell of an actor.   

He family knows how to bring out the crazy in him. 

Still, I have to ask myself what are my in-laws up to now? 

They always liked drama around the holidays. 

Part of me hopes they are lying about the cancer.  I wouldn't want anyone to endure that.  Given the way the story is constantly changing, there must be more going on than meets the eye. 

I'll be praying for them but I will not help them.  I have no money.  I'm basically bankrupt with nothing, I can't afford to clean their house or give them dough. 

Given the way they lie, I have to stay away.  This may be the straw that forces me out of the house. 

We'll see.

Love,

S.