Dad wasn't insane....

I had intended to spend today working in my new office in my home town but, lo and behold, the key does not work. I ended up spending the day messing around.

I spent time in the coffee shop that reminded me of my high school sweetheart. Luckily, I ended up talking to the beautiful waitress about all sorts of philosophical matters. That was a fun way to spend a few hours.

I went to the guitar shop and wished I played well enough to justify buying a Martin. I found some snapshots of beautiful vintage bass guitars, like a red 1964 Gibson Thunderbird.

Ooooohhhh....

I can't say the guy I dated as a teen was my first love. Sorry, dude, my first love was a Peavey.

Speaking of old flames, I kept my promise of breaking sticks in order to free his soul. I know I blog about this quite a bit but it is important to me.

My step-dad was Cherokee and he used to say that when one cannot forget another person, dreams about him all of the time, and feels his presence right before he shows up means she has not released his soul entirely.

Sometimes when we are in love, our partners care so much for us that they give us parts of their souls. When one doesn't get his or her entire soul back, both parties feel like they are missing a part of themselves. They lose their creativity. They may give up their music or give up their art. They feel depressed and lost.

It is not a good place to be.

I was told that if one party in a former relationship is having trouble getting over it and is reminded constantly of the other, it is highly likely the other person is having the same problem. I ignored that. Unfortunately, I learned that dear old Dad was right: I'm not the only one having intrusive thoughts of a love long lost.

Okay, maybe it never got lost. It just mutated into something awkward and nondescript. I was hoping for friendship but I doubt that could ever be as there is far too much emotion there.

Still, if I love the man, I will do the right thing whatever that may be. Freeing him seems like the right thing to me.

I was told to go into nature and break a stick while praying for his soul to be released. I've been doing that for many years. I started having nightmares of him three years ago, so I stepped up this activity. I've been going to my old hometown every weekend for three years to break sticks and pray for him.

I spend so much time there that I've made a few friends in the area. It has begun to feel like a second home. I still giggle that my keister can be found on the home page of the area's tourist website (hint: purple shirt, pony tail, and blue jeans).

This is insane.

So, today I sat in the park where I fell for my old friend some twenty-three years ago and had a thought. I began to think that this stick-breaking procedure was bunk and that Dad must have meant something different.

After much pondering, I wondered if he meant that I needed to find a new stick attached to someone with an exotic foreign sounding name (maybe Pablo, Flavio, or Sergio) in order to get over it. Then, I wondered, perhaps Allen needs to become fascinated with a super hot tunnel?

If that is the answer, I don't want to know. Godspeed my friend.

Eureka!!
That had to be the solution!

Just to be sure, I ran a Google check on the terms "soul retrieval, Shamanism, Stick" and found that other people claim that breaking a stick can break a soul damaging bond.

I guess Dad wasn't crazy after all.

So, that means that I'll be in my hometown every weekend breaking sticks until the dreams stop. And, in the meantime, I'll avoid men named Pablo, Paco and Sergio. I can't be in a relationship so long as I scream my old friend's name in the middle of the night.

Unless I can find a soul mate with his name. Well no, I usually scream very sad things and wake up in tears. So, it's not worth it. I'll just keep myself busy.

For my old friend, please be okay,.  Someone loves you (probably hundreds of someones are secretly pining for you). I mean that. I honestly had no clue how much I cared until I started having nightmares about you. Please, be careful and take care of yourself. Beautiful things are just around the corner. Keep your eyes open!

Love ya,

S.

P.S. I am tempted to post a photo of the puppy who is named after him...the dog is very, very fun and cute!

I once wished that I'd see you my old friend again to find out that he was okay. The day I made that wish I met the dog. So, I guess the good Lord grants wishes with a twist. I did get to meet a male with that name.

I am certain that the Creator has a wicked sense of humor.

Yes, God did eventually grant me the privilege of looking into that set of sea-blue eyes and learning first hand that my friend was alive, healthy, and prosperous. So, take heart, prayers are answered.....eventually.

That is why the stick-breaking and praying continue to this very day.

Soon....I feel it...it will be over for us both. It's about time!

Goodbye 2008...

Goodbye 2008.....the year of the exes

Is it out with the old and in with the new?
Goodness, I only wish I knew.

After several years of faking it, my estranged spouse finally left his basement apartment on Christmas. So, I've been squirreled up alone in the house for a week trying to figure out the fairest way to do the right thing. I haven't really told anyone because I know I'll get an earful of well meaning advice. They'll tell me to change the locks, hide the money or some other nasty antagonistic garbage.

You know, love is not about following one's head but one's heart. I can't be cruel to a friend of 17 years whether or not we are together. Oh well, some people will never understand.

What a New Year! It's a new beginning, all right...

They say that whatever you're doing at the stroke of midnight, you'll do all year long. I used to arrange very fun, ahem, activities for 11:59 until I ceased to have a willing partner. This year, I don't know what I'm going to do. I'll probably be eating chocolate and avoiding the four hour telephone call where my ex is pleading with me to take him back.

Crud...

The thing that makes this extra difficult for me was a lesson that I learned this year courtesy of my high school sweetheart.

Every time I heard Dan Fogelberg's Old Lang Syne, I wondered what it would be like to run into him again. I was lucky to have that experience this year and, joy of joys, my old friend is alive and healthy. Now, if he were happily married I could finally get over my guilt for my part in our break-up. I could justify my behavior by saying that he was meant to be with someone else.

My old friend taught me that true love never dies an easy death. The feelings don't disappear on their own. Time doesn't necessarily take love away.

He also taught me that if you arrange to meet a former flame, you should do it in Antarctica where it is too cold to feel hot. The prime advantage of meeting in a sub-zero environment is that you have the opportunity to wear several layers of clothing. This helps in two ways; first, you can easily hide the symptoms of your, ahem, personal issue and second, you have more clothes to remove thus giving you extra time to remember why you and this person parted in the first place.

I've given this a lot of thought.

Thankfully, he doesn't like me near as much as I like him. So, he was the perfect gentleman. He probably would have become violently ill if he knew what my Id was thinking. Still, unrequited love can be quite a saving grace. My super-ego is so lucky.

The realization that love doesn't die an easy death made it hard for me to run away from my dying relationship. I figured that I should wait until it dies completely before moving on so that I don't have inappropriate feelings for this man in the future. I also know that, no matter what, part of me will always care for my former spouse. I will never hate him. It is not in my nature.

I wish I could understand how people can have so many loves and so many break-ups. Maybe there is a trick to this that I don't understand. Or maybe, the trick is not to love everyone you're with. Then, perhaps, I wasn't made for such a lifestyle.

The New Year holiday is rough for me. I used to only cry over my high school sweetheart whenever I heard Old Lang Syne....

Now, I guess I'll think of two men...

Happy New Year and new beginnings...to everyone.



Love ya,
S.

I finally get it!!!

After all of these years, I finally understand the purpose behind parachute pants!!!

Funny....

My dad, who was a sailor in World War II, used to brag about putting rolls of paper and oblong objects down his pants to attract women when his ship went to port.

I guess, using that method of attraction, a man in parachute pants could put all sorts of things next to his package and really impress the ladies, eh?

To tell the truth, I've never unwrapped a pair of pants to reveal an acoustic guitar before.

I guess I haven't lived!!

Happy Holidays....May all your surprises be wonderful.

Love,

S.
A very Cookie Girl
(a tip of my hat to bassist Rick James - RIP).

Now They Tell Me...

Old love does not rust.

~ Estonian Proverb

Wishful Thinking...

I received this email today from astrology.com. Their horrorscopes never really work for me. My Mother was an astrologer. She once told me that I was supposed to be born around November 7th or so. I was born eight weeks too early and entered this world as a 4 lb. September baby.

Anyhow, my mother once told me I should read the Scorpio horoscopes rather than the Virgo ones because of my intended due date. Neither work well. If I resonate with any pseudo-personality profile, I'd say that it is the sign of Pisces. So that's what I read.

Always do whatever works for you.

Below is the email that I received. I'm on a mailing list for folksy superstitious wishing rituals. I can tell you right now that this wish ritual does not work.

Nope...

Start of Email:


Dear S.,

Here is your Daily Wish for Saturday, November 29:


Should you spot a man wearing a kilt in some country other than Scotland, make a wish. If you can manage to touch the kilt, your chances of the wish coming true are enhanced.

End of Email.

Several years ago, a former beau paraded around in one of those outfits and I made a wish. It was shortly after we broke things off. I always thought he was parading his hot legs around just to make me miss him.

Part of me still believes that, too....

As he floated past me, I made my wish.

Well, it didn't come true.

Nope.

I know this because I didn't get the chance to, ahem, "enhance the chances" of my wish coming true.

Oh, well....

I wasn't wearing a blue ribbon that day, anyway.....

Siegfred's Jezebel Curse

Warning and Disclaimer: If you are a City Attorney who makes a living perjuring yourself in court, do not read the remainder of this rant as it could be hazardous to your ability to make a dishonest living. By reading this rant, you agree to take full responsibility for whatever may occur within your mind due to the content and free the writer from all liability. Honest lawyers may proceed without concern....

*****

I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. That is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.

~Martin Luther King

I am frustrated by the fact that certain lawyers, who represent my municipality, get away with lying in court and generally treating citizens badly. I've tried asking the powers that be in this city to work towards change, to no avail.

I did get a little lip service but it doesn't look like anything has changed. Bummer. I'm not going to be over it until I see confirmation that their policies have changed. They made my life difficult: I want to see that they are not going to do this to anyone else ever again! I've tried to get them to listen. Now, I've decided to submit my formal complaint to the State Supreme Court.

That bad city lawyer really irritated me, on my dime, too!

• A good lawyer does not threaten to embarrass someone for pointing out wrongdoing or even illegal activities that can get them sued (i.e. allowing a tax audit supervisor to diagnose a co-worker with a mental illness, then fine the family $500 promising the man that he could keep his job, but then firing him anyway because his supervisor practiced medicine without a license... I suspect projection on the part of the supervisor).
• Then, that lawyer doesn't insult the citizen (i.e. claiming that she sleeps with a certain man every night and sees him everyday so she should be able to diagnose him with health issues...after 18 years that wasn't the case and mentioning my sex life surely felt like an inappropriate and disrespectful insult. There were other very personal insulting comments made about my personality, too..).
• A good lawyer should be able to argue without slamming the phone down in the citizen's ear.
• A good lawyer does not threaten to embarrass members of the citizen's family if that citizen chooses to continue to point out the problem to the people in charge (i.e. illegal fines that risk the exempt status for city employees*, playing doctor without a license, violating the ADA, not using the EAP, unfounded and embarrassing accusations about domestic violence, not investigating reports of domestic violence, and so much more...We didn't break the law. Why would we be embarrassed?).
• A good City Attorney doesn't send a colleague into a hearing to lie about that citizen, whom they have never met, in a transcribed court hearing (I'm not even going to go into the sexist bull that was spewed about me...Progressive All America [sic] City, my @$$).
• Furthermore, a good City Attorney doesn't send a Paralegal to harass a citizen at her home and over the telephone the day before a hearing for her estranged-husband.

This is an incomplete list of city related irritations.

Reading the hearing transcripts made me laugh. It is potentially the most expensive gossip I have ever read. There will, most likely, be legal complications due to the garbage spewed in that hearing. It has certainly cost me a pretty dime.

That hearing had absolutely nothing to do with me. I never worked for the City. I've never met these people: how could they know such supposed intimate details about my private life and personal thoughts?

They don't.

They should have nothing to say about me except that I am concerned that they are violating a few Federal and State Laws and not following their own human resource policies. They need to update a couple, too - Here it is so that the ego-searching PR guy can drill it into someone's head! In a nutshell: don't let your people play doctor or shrink, don't let them accuse people of crimes that never get reported to the police, and always refer to suspected "mental cases" to the EAP....is that too much to ask?

I've tried working with the city to change their policies. It's time to bring in other people. I'm going to start with the lawyer regulatory agencies.

What I would really like to do, is publicly state that I really want to hire a Magickal Spellcaster, Voo-doo priest, or Satantic High Priestress, so that I can pay for the casting of a simple curse.

The curse?

Should any attorney working on behalf of the City knowingly lie during any hearing: the City Attorney's office will automatically lose their case.

Period.

Now, the fun thing about curses, is that they only work if the target believes in them. Curses are like a major mind screw. If you think you're cursed you are going to behave in self-sabotaging ways: you will stammer and turn red when you lie. Your eyes will twitch. And every time you tell a lie in a court of law, no matter how well meaning, you will start to grin so widely no one will ever believe you.

Tell me, Ms. Nasty Lawyer, are you superstitious?

Let go of the need to lie. Tell the truth from now on.

To to her bosses, you really don't want a liar among you, do you? She who lies for you will eventually speak against you. Remember that.

***************************************************

I am a citizen. My taxes pay part of the salaries of city employees. If they lose the exempt status for the audit department (which fining an exempt employee for "rumors" that he took breaks during business hours potentially does) our taxes go up. As a taxpayer, I have a vested interest in sharing what I know. A suspension would have been legal: a fine is not. And, there is no exemption for government entities under federal law despite what the Department of Labor tells you.

Finally, I wanted to start a business in the City until I realized how dishonest the Tax Audit Supervisor was. I had already spent $1,000 on logo artwork for the business with the expectation that it would be here. The $500 that was raided to pay that fine came directly from my seed money (and yeah, I know who I blame for that annoying act). Still, the City Attorney can't skirt the fact that they created the crappy situation by breaking the law in the first place!

I was angry prior to hearing all the nasty gossip about myself. How can you testify about someone you've never met at a court hearing? I was not even asked to be present! It should never have involved me in the first place.

Yes, the truth seems to come in short supply at the municipal building. If a Tax Audit Supervisor is going to lie about someone she's never met, what is she going to say about the small business owner who can be tricked into paying too much in taxes and padding her numbers?

A liar is still a liar no matter what hat she chooses to wear.

When I pointed this out to the city lawyer, she yelled at me!! That doesn't change the fact that City Managers allow this type of behavior from those in their employ. It makes them look incredibly bad.

I tried alerting them. They don't care.

I can't, in good faith, start a business here and I've actually advised business people against it. You'd be surprised who you meet on networking websites. I'd say that this has cost them at least 100 times more in lost revenue what they fined our family (probably more).

I hope they chew on that fat fact. They should take care of this soon, so I can change my public opinion of the City. People talk. The truth can sting a heck of a lot more than any lie.

.

By the way, the curse thing, well....the simple threat of one can be just as effective as inducing a full blown hypnotic trance. We'll see. It makes for an interesting form of self-hypnosis. I like calling that trick my Jezebel Curse, because like the biblical Jezebel, it is certainly manipulative.

.

If the superstitious subject sees this, and gets this far after reading the original hypnotic commands, they most likely have already been accepted into her psyche.

.

It's fun being a brat.

Cheers!

Edit 4/17/09: I received a copy of letter from the Colorado Supreme Court advising us to sue the Assistant City Attorney in a civil court of law and speak to the personnel director for the City.

Trying to speak to her boss was my first course of action, unfortunately, I was informed that there was no one who will talk to me. After sending several letters to the Mayor's office and every single member of the City Council, the personnel director did contact me. The problem was that this occurred shortly after a City Councilperson told us to sue and my estranged spouse started interviewing lawyers. I did send the contact with the City some of the information I collected about recommended HR policy, mental health issues, and domestic violence. I don't know if he is going to do anything constructive with it. Unlike other metro area cities, this City has a reputation for being lazy. The powers that be will probably have to be embarrassed into action.

It's just a shame I can't go into detail quite yet. How many people will be hurt in the interim?

God does weird stuff for a reason. The trick is figuring out why crap happens in the first place. There is always a lesson for every situation life throws at us.

Why do bullies create so much drama? Whenever I read the paperwork, I realize that someone really spent a lot of time making a bunch of crap up. It had to be a woman. Men, if they lie, it is usually one well placed lie and that is it. If you are bullied by a woman, though, they make everything complicated and you have to sort through convoluted stories and tons of petty bull crap in order to figure out exactly what happened.

Just when you think you've figured it out, Ms. Bully pulls a new trick out of her hat! It is so darn annoying!

I also learned yesterday that someone posted one of my hastily written blog articles on a disability website. I guess I can't complain that the story is getting exposure. I'm just a little embarrassed at how convoluted the story is. It is actually quite tortuous to read and, darn it, my grammatical errors don't help. Next time I'll be sure to run the article through a really good word processing program. As a dyslexic, I know better.

Sigh..

Take care of your wonderful selves.

Cheers.

Elect Change

To change one's life: Start immediately, do it flamboyantly, no exceptions, no excuses.

~ William James