Goodbye 2008...

Goodbye 2008.....the year of the exes

Is it out with the old and in with the new?
Goodness, I only wish I knew.

After several years of faking it, my estranged spouse finally left his basement apartment on Christmas. So, I've been squirreled up alone in the house for a week trying to figure out the fairest way to do the right thing. I haven't really told anyone because I know I'll get an earful of well meaning advice. They'll tell me to change the locks, hide the money or some other nasty antagonistic garbage.

You know, love is not about following one's head but one's heart. I can't be cruel to a friend of 17 years whether or not we are together. Oh well, some people will never understand.

What a New Year! It's a new beginning, all right...

They say that whatever you're doing at the stroke of midnight, you'll do all year long. I used to arrange very fun, ahem, activities for 11:59 until I ceased to have a willing partner. This year, I don't know what I'm going to do. I'll probably be eating chocolate and avoiding the four hour telephone call where my ex is pleading with me to take him back.

Crud...

The thing that makes this extra difficult for me was a lesson that I learned this year courtesy of my high school sweetheart.

Every time I heard Dan Fogelberg's Old Lang Syne, I wondered what it would be like to run into him again. I was lucky to have that experience this year and, joy of joys, my old friend is alive and healthy. Now, if he were happily married I could finally get over my guilt for my part in our break-up. I could justify my behavior by saying that he was meant to be with someone else.

My old friend taught me that true love never dies an easy death. The feelings don't disappear on their own. Time doesn't necessarily take love away.

He also taught me that if you arrange to meet a former flame, you should do it in Antarctica where it is too cold to feel hot. The prime advantage of meeting in a sub-zero environment is that you have the opportunity to wear several layers of clothing. This helps in two ways; first, you can easily hide the symptoms of your, ahem, personal issue and second, you have more clothes to remove thus giving you extra time to remember why you and this person parted in the first place.

I've given this a lot of thought.

Thankfully, he doesn't like me near as much as I like him. So, he was the perfect gentleman. He probably would have become violently ill if he knew what my Id was thinking. Still, unrequited love can be quite a saving grace. My super-ego is so lucky.

The realization that love doesn't die an easy death made it hard for me to run away from my dying relationship. I figured that I should wait until it dies completely before moving on so that I don't have inappropriate feelings for this man in the future. I also know that, no matter what, part of me will always care for my former spouse. I will never hate him. It is not in my nature.

I wish I could understand how people can have so many loves and so many break-ups. Maybe there is a trick to this that I don't understand. Or maybe, the trick is not to love everyone you're with. Then, perhaps, I wasn't made for such a lifestyle.

The New Year holiday is rough for me. I used to only cry over my high school sweetheart whenever I heard Old Lang Syne....

Now, I guess I'll think of two men...

Happy New Year and new beginnings...to everyone.



Love ya,
S.