How Mesmerists Do Public Speaking

I'm in a position where I am doing a lot of public speaking.  It's all good.  I was even offered a business opportunity from one of my favorite hypnotists because of it, so I can't complain.  He wants me to do corporate seminars.  I love that idea!

I'm doing the public speaking due to the crap the city employed bully pulled.  If the job pans out, I'll do something half decent for her department, even if it is simply deciding NOT to sue them for defamation. 

Maybe I can send flowers to their new boss...well, probably not.  The city attorney and city manager have me terrified to talk to the employees.  It has come to my attention that they are fined several hundreds of dollars in cash for talking to people involved in politics, even if it can help them help their departments.  I'm even afraid to answer the emails I get from them lest they be fined and fired. 

I really should answer the questions "Who the hell are you?"  and "If we have to pay out court settlements for discriminating against people who are [stereotypical statement about physical characteristic] which makes them lazy, it takes money away from the community!  What do you say about that?"

The answer to the first question is "read my bio" and the second is "Stop hiding behind overpaid outside council and start following the letter of the law, you freakin' abusive racist, sexist, uneducated moron!"

But alas, I have to learn how to play nice and say it like a hypnotist would say it.

You know you don't have to [deepens voice] do what I say!

and then proceed to tell her to pick her nose in the next board meeting or televised appearance. 

Okay, I'd never do that.  Still fining people for dealing with issues of public concern is a horrible first amendment violation on the part of a governmental employer. 

I can't stomach the thought of being the reason the city steals their grocery money and, quite seriously, looking at various ways I can put a stop to the stupid and illegal behavior.  tsk...tsk... It's only a matter of time. 

Anyway....this is how I do public speaking. 

I stand in front of people. 

I stay silent for three seconds or until I can look everyone in the eyes and feel a connection with them. 

Then I say whatever the heck comes to mind. 

Usually, this works well. 

When dealing with issues like motivation, weight loss, and positive thinking.  This works exceptionally well. I can scan the faces of my audience and know what they need to hear.  In the past, I've never had to speak to groups of more than twenty people.

This is much, much different. 

When dabbling in the political sphere, not so much.  I did this technique and jaws dropped.  That is never a good sign. 

I am competing with five of the most eloquent public speakers in my area.  Compared to them, I suck. You know you suck at something when two of your competitors make it known that you did well. 

I was so happy when I had the thought that not one of the hundreds of people in attendance would ever notice me again.  I could live my ramblings down without fear. 

Not so fast...

I went to the store today in a floppy hat, sans makeup, and with horribly huge black framed glasses. 

A lady at the approached and stated that she saw me speak last week.  She mentioned the freaky speech and thanked me for what I said.  I told her that I meant every word of it and put in a good word for my two supportive competitors.  I told her that whoever wins will do an excellent job representing her.  She looked confused. 

Why should I badmouth the competition?  Sure, two of them screwed me three years ago but they really seemed to have had their hands tied by an elected official abusing his power.  I only wish they'd give me a written promise to stop the illicit practices but, alas, they cannot. 

I'm off to decide if I want to continue doing this or to throw my support in any direction.  Last month, I knew who I would support if I had to pack up and move away.  Now, I adore almost all of my competitors for one reason or another.  If we could someone take all their great qualities and roll them into my genuine desire to do the people's bidding, we'd fix all our problems post haste. 

Darn it... I can't leave the competition just yet. 

Why don't reporters ask me what I like about people rather than what I dislike?  It's an easier question to answer. 

Love ya,

S.