Tuesday, August 2, 2011

An Explanation to My High School Sweetheart

Okay...

You'll want to know someday and I don't want to have to try to explain it to you when I'm 64 years old and senile.

I tried to tell you in person but I think you're avoiding me.  So, let me explain why I unfriended you on Facebook and removed you from all of my social networks. 

I care for you. 

I want you to move on and be really happy. 

I know you're in pain.  Anyone within a mile of you can tell.  It's heartbreaking to see someone so vibrant and capable of joy feel so down.  I know who you really are. 

Today, I noticed a posting on Facebook about an ex-girlfriend rating system.  You actually rate us on how happy you are that we are out of your lives?

Goodness....and I hang out with the people working to legalize pot and keep the politicians out of our bedrooms.  Gee Whiz...

Of course, my size ten frame is pretty flabby.  I'm sure I lose a lot of medicinal brownie points for being fat. 

I hope you're happy I'm far away; you don't want that contact high or to get smacked in the eye with my flailing arm flab. 

Of course, there is my propensity to sit up in the middle of the night drinking rum and smacking my bass.  A drunk and naked woman playing with wood is truly the stuff of nightmares.

I'll be the first to admit that you got off lucky the day you fled.

Truth be told, I seriously don't want to know where I fall on your rating system.  In fact, I want no part of it. 

Do you know why?

Sweetie...how in the world can you move forward if you are stuck thinking about the past and your ex loves?

If I love you then I want what is best for you. 

Dear one, you need to move on. 

  • Nevermind the psychology of men who mess with the minds of their ex-girlfriends and say stuff to annoy them. 
  • Nevermind the piss poor advice of seduction gurus who tell you that a way into a woman's pants is to ignore her (and you DO know that I KNOW several of the people who peddle that crap....they whine about living in their mother's basements...so...don't buy into it...please).
  • Nevermind the 27-35 year old suitors all so eager to explain to me why you are my Facebook friend when you refuse to be my friend in real life; they say its an effort to get a favor and make fun of me to your friends.  These youngins don't know a gosh darn thing.  I hope... 

These things don't matter...

What matters is this....

You're stuck in the past man.  I had to remove my face from your page.   You need to move on. 


So, here is my Rx. 

Go visit your mom and throw out the ex-box.  Get rid of it all.  The photos, the class rings, and anything else that has my energy on it.  Get rid of it! 

Then go home and frolic on the beach in something that will, uh, enhance whatever it is about you that the ladies like.

Come back when you're hitched. 

I love ya man but watching you suffer is hurting me too much. 

You don't want to talk to me.  You send me requests for online recommendations but I never know what to write.  When I email to ask what qualities are important in your field, you ignore me.  When a guy got weird the day we met and I walking away from you in the parking lot, I wrote to ask if you saw him (the cops asked me to after it was found that this guy was harassing my office mates), you didn't respond. 

I'd call you but I know you tend to attract jealous and controlling women, so I don't dare do that unless I know its okay.

I get it. You don't want to be my friend.  That scares me.  If a man doesn't want to be your friend yet keeps you in his sights, he's typically up to something. 

If you want to be my friend and actually act like one, we can talk. 

Trust me, I know what it is like to ignore my friends due to being in severe emotional pain.  I have irritated more people than I can count in the past year and owe so many people apologizes.  I understand.  You're not the only person hurting right now buddy. 
.
In the end, it comes down to one thing.  A man who doesn't want to be an ex-girlfriend's friend yet stays in contact with her seems to be waiting in the wings for something that she'll only give a select friend. 


If you're not my friend, it simply won't happen.

Or the young men could be right, you're keeping tabs on me to make fun of me so you feel okay about being nasty to me at seventeen.   

I'm sorry about the tough love but....I don't know what else to do.

Take care of yourself,

S.

P.S.  And yes, some of this is projection.  I did the same thing that I told you to do.  I still can't find the naked pic but all the others are gone as of today.  I got rid of the Bible you gave me and am thinking about paying my daughter $50 to get rid of the giraffe. 

Most of the artwork is gone too. 

Let's see if this does the trick.

P.S.S.  I finally remember how judgmental you are.  The sad thing about that is as harshly as you judge me and the other women you knew, you judge yourself even more mercilessly.  It must be a painful place to be.

May you find your Aphrodite. 

Blessed Be my friend.

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