No Going Back....

Life is getting weirder. 

The dreams are getting more bizarre.  Perhaps I'm supposed to paint the crazy things I see. 

I guess I could paint everything and then invite all the subjects of the paintings over for dinner.  If there are any truth to the dreams, it would be fun to watch them faint.

Despite what people say, I don't like where I am.  I don't want to do what I've been asked to do and am trying to make the most of it.  It is so damn hard to play nice with dolts.  I have to hold back when I want to wring their filthy necks. 

There have been times when I wanted to point out to abusive public officials that I can see the cowardice in their eyes, I have to work incredibly hard to stay quiet.

If you're a public official I like, I'll covertly hypnotize you to be successful.  If I don't like you, count your blessings if I refuse to look into your eyes.  In fact, you should consider it a gift. 


Staring me down is usually a mistake, once you get dizzy it is to freakin' late to stop the process.


I can't wait for December.  That will be one less thing stressing me out.


My ex claims he loves me but I can't trust him.  He promises not to lie and then I catch him in a new one.  About three times a year, he'll give me a lustful look and I'll end up kissing him.  Usually within 72 hours, I find out that he's been hiding something that ends up destroying my life.  He tells me he keeps secrets in order to take care of me.  Here is the thing, he's not taking care of anything.  I know he has PTSD and that is the reason for his inability to talk to me or keep his promises. 

I'm really freakin' close to suing the nasty, lying snots who started all this crap in the first place.


The lawyers say that I have one year from the date I learn of defamation to sue.  In early July, I had lunch with five people. They told me that my ex's boss had been contacting them with stories about his alleged physical abuse towards me while claiming that he was seeking treatment for a mental illness.
Not one of these stories his boss told are true.  One of these people claimed it impacted a hiring decision for their company and promised to repair the situation with the HR manager for that company.

I'm a tad bit ticked. 


Do you know why my ex stopped talking to me?  He blames me for his job loss.  I read the transcripts of a court hearing in which his former boss states that she let him go because I had an advanced degree and she thought it made him unmotivated to do his job.  She said other things too that really ended up getting me in a lot of weird fights with my ex.  I guess one can't say they were fights because of the lack of talking; they were more staring fests which broke my heart.


This has caused me so much pain in the past three years.  Of all of that, some of the things she said caused me to sleep alone.  I think that is when the pain hits the hardest.  After nearly 17 years together, I spent our 18th, 19th, and 20th anniversaries alone while sharing the same home with him.  I've spent the past three years sleeping alone.  It's amazing how much that waking up by myself in the middle of the night hurts.  I thought I would be over it by now.   I thought we'd have the money to move on.  Things just keep getting worse and worse. 

There was a lie that pertained to something he allegedly did while he slept with me.  At first, that lie was referred back to me in a manner which suggested that my activities caused him not to get enough sleep.  It suggested something that the pagans refer to as sexual vampirism or what clinical psychologists refer to as being a sex addict.  Again, one person claims he fell asleep at work (despite a supervisor claiming that no one else saw it) and I get blamed.

On the bright side, when men ask me if I'll ever marry again I say no.  I'm afraid that my activities may not be suitable for married men.  I'll never forgive myself if another man loses sleep being near me.

Then, the lawyers suggested that his sleep disorder, which they now claim he never disclosed, caused him to act violently in the middle of the night.  I sure wish I were a party to the case.  I would have caught the city attorney's lie.  Either he said he had a sleep disorder/issue or he did not.  If  the supervisor writes that he has a sleep issue, then he has proof that he told them. 

The city attorney is so very lucky my ex doesn't involve me in his legal disputes.  The city erred in letting their lap dogs harass me, though.  After 6.25 hours of harassment, it is easy to get a clearer picture of what is really going on. 

Oh, and I was told something else about the "sleep lie" that is really pissing me off but I'll save that one for the lawyers.  It's amazing what one learns when she asks.   One would think that a city HR manager or his attorneys would actually ask the supervisors what they saw rather than take the word of one person.  Here is a hint; if the same person keeps coming to you with stories about everyone else, odds are they are spending their work life imagining slights and not doing their job. 

Why, though, would she make up stuff about a complete stranger?


Everytime they lied about me, they put another nail in the coffin of my marriage. 

Why can't I sue for defamation?  I have lost everything that was important to me.  I spent nearly 20 years building a family, a home and a life that these people can destroy with gossip!!   

I'm tired of spending my nights in pain.  I'm tired of hearing this crap and not getting the loose ends tied up.  I'm tired of people approaching me to tell me that the mayor and two council-men at large told everyone to ignore me because the city attorney would take care of it.

The city attorney cannot take care of it without promising me to change the rules so that it will not happen to another soul again.  I know they tried to badger me into signing away the truth.  It won't work. 

I've posted everything online.  I've got relatives poised to sue if something happens to me.  This will be the party that will go on forever until I have assurances that they've stopped their pranks for good.

My heart is so broken that I may ease my pain by suing the city.

Let me try to explain.  As the lies spread and grew, they became more complicated.  So, what I know today may change tomorrow.  That is how it is with gossip. 
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In talking to other people, I also learned that the woman who lied about my marriage always talks about leaving her abusive spouse who resides in another country.  I think that her lies may be a way for her subconscious mind to process the abuse in her past. 

Why am I writing this?

I was threatened again.  I am afraid. 

I want to be sure that my family knows what is going on if I end up missing.  For the past three years, it has been awkward going to family functions because I don't know how to act around my ex or how to describe why he isn't around. 

I also fear something happening to my ex, myself or the kids.  I don't want everyone to arrest any one I dated in the past.  I had an ex threaten to kill me back in 89-90 and I know he'd be the first suspect.  He hasn't done a thing to annoy me in over three years and I haven't heard a peep out of him.

There are other people who have frightened me of late.  The three blogs connected to this one have every detail.  Just read the posts that are saved as drafts.  

Love ya,

S. 

P.S.  They have warned me about tire slashing, house break-ins, false reports to social services and car thefts.  I pray they're not superstitious.

If they know anything about me, they should know enough to stay away.  Break in or visit my property at your peril.  

Unless it's Halloween. 

Oh, by the way, I have my costume picked out.  I'll be trick or treating as a tea party politician.