Listening to My Dreams

I'm still sick with the flu...

I think the fever is getting to me. 

Again, I'm falling asleep a lot and having weird dreams with disembodied voices. 

I dreamt of my ex while a male voice chided

"Find him.  He's your Osirus."

This made me wake up laughing. 

Seriously,  I can't even find my own keys, let alone various body parts of anyone.  Even if I were successful and found most of the missing appendages, I am not a very good sculptress. 

This particular ex always picked apart my art.  Knowing him, if I even tried to recreate that piece swallowed by the fish, he'd be offended.  It would be too small, or so big he couldn't walk, or too hard, or too soft, or too shiny, too dull, too smooth, too bumpy or even too golden. 

And yes, with the price of gold and everything...he'd probably prefer the money go to new skis or something.

I don't know....that thought is not nearly as funny now as it was at 3:30 am.

Then I fell asleep and dreamt of incurring the wrath of the Gods from laughing about it.   I was wrong...it was actually a pretty insightful statement.

I awoke again a few hours later and realized that it's not his appendages that are missing.  No...it is the various part of his soul.  He always claimed that he would be dead as an adult.  Maybe, in his mind, he's missing so much of himself that he is dead.   I took his innocence.   The one he left me for took his confidence.  His former wife took his trust.  The women that followed took his creativity, his sense of security, his strength, and his self-esteem. 

Perhaps that is what I'm supposed to help him find...the man that he truly is.  I'll start by promising never to chase him away again (even if other women are interested in him and he's screwing it up by talking about his exes).

Seriously....pay attention here...if you're a man and a woman is trying to see your part prior to it being swallowed by a fish (or even thinking about entertaining that part of you in a way in which you would enthusiastically consent), talk about HER as though your exes never existed! 

Telling you this is an act of love.  

This morning I vowed to get back to building that self-help website.  I built a dating one the year he came back and told me how dreary his life had become and how lonely he felt.  I put it together in the hopes of helping my ex find love.  I also thought that it would help other men get out of the house, get their confidence back and find love.  To this day, I get emails about it on a daily basis from men across the globe.  Their stories push me out of bed to post on that thing, even though I feel like it is a waste of time for me.  I'm getting bored with it. 

Maybe it's time to expand the website so that it deals with authenticity and soul integration. 

It is interesting what happens when one actually listens to her dreams. 

Wow...

Giving it some thought,

S.