Stupid Men...

It takes a stupid man to tell a woman to shut up about an injustice and a pork barrel giveaway to the friends of political candidates. 

Only stupid men take the time to blast honest women for talking about a specific injustice that steals money from the community when asked about it.  I haven't even told the entire truth, these freaks will eventually bankrupt the state if we don't stop them. 

$500 + million?  You've got to be kidding me?  Where in the he!! is the State going to find the funds to backfill that kind of money? 

This is the truth.  I've been gentle with them.  I should tell more. 

Interesting...

when a woman tells the truth in this town named after a goddess, she's not a leader but a b!tch. 

Sweetheart, a leader tells voters about the things that are making you rich in order to prevent you from gaining a future windfall at our expense.  Got it?

Why do you want me silenced?  Oh, you must have a similar deal in the works...hmmmm

It won't happen again...next time, I'll call your lies and broadcast more of the horrific truth.  I'm still toying with posting the open-records request documents online.  You'd be wise not to confront me again.

Oh, by the way....

You've lost your election and your friend lost my endorsement. 

Dumba$$es...

Love ya,

S. 

Until November

I had a startling revelation today.  I'm a little shocked.

Could I be playing around in the public eye so I don't have to face my loneliness and avoid relationships with men? 

Last February, I spent some time with a guy I had a crush on in high school.  We hung out on social networking sites for a couple of years but I knew his face when I saw him.  We had lunch.  We went out for coffee.

In the mid-eighties, he sat next to me in sociology class.  He was the quiet football player who always had a notebook in his lap.  I always thought that was cute.  He had dark curly hair and big blue eyes.  He was funny as heck and had a filthy sense of humor, just like me. 

He remembers my tight sweaters. 

I love talking to him.  We like to drink tea and tell filthy jokes.  Hours pass.  He's fun but...my life is a mess.   There was a day when I realized why he always thought about sex scenes from movies and would discuss them when we met.   When I realized that he needed to smoke a cigarette after those discussions and that he was affecting my physical state....I panicked. 

I took on something that would put me in the public eye as an excuse to avoid talking to him in this manner.  My project will be done in mid-November then we can hang out again. 

His father just died.  I should have been more of a friend to him.  I care for him. 

Then, there's another man  that  I respect very much.  He's a shrink and sees straight through me.  He knows what is going on and warns me that I must honor my needs or I'll go insane.   No worries...I tell him, I'm going to be so focused on my work until November that I won't notice. 
He's asking for a date. 

Then, a third friend of mine and I found ourselves in an awkward room full of intuitive counselor types.  It was a small therapeutic group and we did not know that the other was attending.  We had to get up and share our innermost thoughts in this awkward healing type circle.  The facilitator knows me far too well and hit the nail on the head when he mentioned that I had feelings for this man.  Yep, I do.  He's my friend.  I care for him. 

My friend knows where I am in my relationship but doesn't mind going out for coffee....thank goodness, I've got tons of interviews and appointments to keep for the next several weeks.

Whew!  Problem averted...by the time I get off my arse my friends will find their soul mates and invite me to their weddings.  At least, that was my hope.
.
This is so awkward.  I tell myself its easier to stay married, even if it is a sexless relationship.  I'm married.  I can't mess around with men I care about.  I can't lead them on.  I can't....I can't...It's wrong, even if they know the truth.  It's wrong. 

So, I approach the man I'm married to and try to talk.  But.....he won't talk to me about anything pertaining to intimacy, money, retirement or work.  He'll talk about the men asking me out.  He'll explain their behavior to me. 

He'll tell me he wants to stay with me but....he won't talk to me without getting angry or quiet. 

I can't fathom how I can fix this.   

The worst part is that now that I'm in the public eye, people are approaching me telling me that they are worried about me.  They are afraid of my ex and his temper. 

I'm going to have to decide and do something soon. 

My high school sweetheart seemed concerned and told me it was just a matter of getting a couple of papers signed...he makes everything sound so darn easy. 

Maybe it's time....

I won't be able to continue to hide from my feelings anymore and I won't be able to continue to hide the truth from the people who meet me. 

Damn.....the next two months are going to be crazy.  It's do or die time. 

I wish I knew where I was supposed to me. 

Bear with me my friends. 

Love,

S.

P.S.  The funniest thing I've learned is that I don't fear performing in public as much as I fear talking to my ex and breaking his heart.  I can do just about anything now, except jumping out of planes.  I haven't tried that yet. 

Maybe I should...

Listening to My Dreams

I'm still sick with the flu...

I think the fever is getting to me. 

Again, I'm falling asleep a lot and having weird dreams with disembodied voices. 

I dreamt of my ex while a male voice chided

"Find him.  He's your Osirus."

This made me wake up laughing. 

Seriously,  I can't even find my own keys, let alone various body parts of anyone.  Even if I were successful and found most of the missing appendages, I am not a very good sculptress. 

This particular ex always picked apart my art.  Knowing him, if I even tried to recreate that piece swallowed by the fish, he'd be offended.  It would be too small, or so big he couldn't walk, or too hard, or too soft, or too shiny, too dull, too smooth, too bumpy or even too golden. 

And yes, with the price of gold and everything...he'd probably prefer the money go to new skis or something.

I don't know....that thought is not nearly as funny now as it was at 3:30 am.

Then I fell asleep and dreamt of incurring the wrath of the Gods from laughing about it.   I was wrong...it was actually a pretty insightful statement.

I awoke again a few hours later and realized that it's not his appendages that are missing.  No...it is the various part of his soul.  He always claimed that he would be dead as an adult.  Maybe, in his mind, he's missing so much of himself that he is dead.   I took his innocence.   The one he left me for took his confidence.  His former wife took his trust.  The women that followed took his creativity, his sense of security, his strength, and his self-esteem. 

Perhaps that is what I'm supposed to help him find...the man that he truly is.  I'll start by promising never to chase him away again (even if other women are interested in him and he's screwing it up by talking about his exes).

Seriously....pay attention here...if you're a man and a woman is trying to see your part prior to it being swallowed by a fish (or even thinking about entertaining that part of you in a way in which you would enthusiastically consent), talk about HER as though your exes never existed! 

Telling you this is an act of love.  

This morning I vowed to get back to building that self-help website.  I built a dating one the year he came back and told me how dreary his life had become and how lonely he felt.  I put it together in the hopes of helping my ex find love.  I also thought that it would help other men get out of the house, get their confidence back and find love.  To this day, I get emails about it on a daily basis from men across the globe.  Their stories push me out of bed to post on that thing, even though I feel like it is a waste of time for me.  I'm getting bored with it. 

Maybe it's time to expand the website so that it deals with authenticity and soul integration. 

It is interesting what happens when one actually listens to her dreams. 

Wow...

Giving it some thought,

S.

Any Resemblance to Real Persons, Living or Dead, is Purely Coincidental

The universe is incredibly interesting. 

I'm doing something that I seriously can't stand. I recently thought switching gears and starting a rock band so that I can do something a little more joyful and fulfilling.  Besides, the thing I'm going for is putting me in the spotlight and some morons in the local government think that gives them permission to try to stiffle my free speech because they think they are entitled to coddling rather than accountability.

Then...I found out all the other players in the game are wimps.  They want me to hold back and act like them. 

I'm an Irish-American; being quiet isn't my thing. 

Sooo....I'm thinking of staying in just long enough to give the human irritants heart attacks.  

I've spent the past six months writing songs about the people I've met throughout this little fiasco. 
Some of the tunes are named after the morons pissing me off. 

Evil Edwardo
Sorry Charlie

and things that I fantasize about doing

Offering at the Crossroads

and things I like to say

Going Down


I don't know.  It's a way to blow off steam.  It sure beats irritating the overuse injury in my middle fingers.  And, darn it, I have actually begun to sing 'bite me' when confronted by moronic people because I say it so much. 

The universe is a beautiful place because today I met another artist the same players have pissed off in much the same way.  Oh my goodness...this person has the same idea I do.  This person's art is different but the passion is the same.

Things are going to be interesting now. 

Here's a hint.  Don't piss off the artists.  You'll  find yourself immortalized in the airwaves, in a museum, in a show, or in a book. 

And the best part is that no-one can sue anyone over a coincidence.

Lovin' this...

S.

Nasty Lawyers

I got a horrible email today from the family of a victim of local crime. 

The cops arrested a woman for no reason at all.  She had a couple of drinks at home.  No law was violated.  None. 

They put her in a detention center for alcoholics. 

She was raped at said detention center.

She was arrested, again, and charged with yelling at a cop shortly after the assault.   People who are raped and in shock act in unpredictable ways.  Arresting her was improper. 

The city lawyers don't want her to sue the facility, so they are trying to intimidate her by charging her will all sorts of silly crimes.

I've experienced harassment from this group of legal goons before.  My patience is wearing thin.

Sweeties...

Play nice...

Or I'll hit "publish" on all those legal documents I have and show the victim's lawyers the games you play. 

You can behave.

Drop the issue with this woman now and apologize OR I WILL MAKE ALL THOSE EMAILS THEY SENT TO ME OVER THE COURSE OF THE PAST THREE YEARS PUBLIC. 

I WILL ALSO POST THE DEPOSTIONS.

I WILL ALSO POST THE DISCOVERY.

I have absolutely nothing to lose.  YOU WILL LOSE YOUR JOBS! 

You need to find your professionalism and your honor. 

50% of the people running for the top spot are women.  2/3s of them were, at one point, dealing with issues pertaining to alcoholism and violence against women on a professional level.   I would not be surprised if one or both of them speak up quite loudly about this. 

At least one of them is a rape survivor who doesn't think that people should be detained for drinking in their own homes.  She thinks the government messes up just about everything it touches.  If the government arrests a woman falsely, detains her and lets a man rape her in said detention facility, it is a travesty of justice.

PERHAPS WE SHOULD DEFUND THE DETENTION CENTER.  No woman wants to be raped.  Seriously, you think you're helping intoxicated people by exposing them to STDs?  What the heck?  I'd personally rather die of the DTs before being raped again.  The VD tests are hell.  Having to explain to my partner and physicians where all those little tears in private places came from is difficult for me, too.  Twenty-five years later and I still have trouble with it. 

The worst part was calling the authorities.  I'm so lucky I chickened out of filing charges against a friend of the family.  I didn't want to go on trial but shudder to think how many other young girls were hurt by this slime ball. 

This is not a joke.  Rape is not funny.  The lawyers are so freakin' lucky the men in her life haven't strung them up. 

Really!!  What the heck are the lawyers smoking?  

What the city pulled IS a fourth amendment violation. 

Crap, I know a woman who will be happy to collect money for the victim's legal fund and consider making a real run for higher office with the promise of OUTSOURCING THE LEGAL DEPATMENT.  They're not doing their jobs anyway.  Why do we need them?

We could always make the LEAD ATTORNEY'S JOB AN ELECTED POSITION. 
If the lead attorney thinks it is cute to charge the rape victim for going into shock and yelling at the female cop who asked if she gave her rapist permission to touch her, I think the lead attorney should resign lest he piss of the women. 

Piss off the men, they posture.  Piss off the women and you have war.  Remember it was the women who took down Pinochet.  They used art to spread word about his abuse of power.  That could be easily done...here.   You want to expand the arts district, don't you?  I'll help...

I'd rather be an activist artist than a [male anatomy part] sucking governmental official.

One in four women will experience sexual assault within her lifetime.  The men in her life will be touched by the experience.  Any politician stupid enough to stay silent on this issue and allow their lawyer to re victimize the survivor has just alienated at least 50% of the voting population. 

The head honcho wants to run for congress.  I'm an artist.  I can make creations that will destroy his chances.  Hmmmmmm.....where to start.  Nothing on the Internet dies. 

He may wish to fix it...NOW!

Oh, and I'm resetting that Warhol clock.  Someone with balls has got to stay in the race and show the wimpy men how the west was won.    Threaten to embarass me and I'll get the new age vote.  I don't want to win....make me the renegade and I've won.  Keep me irrelevant and I'll lose. 


Leave me alone, take care of this and your boy will win.  Piss me off....I'll see to it that a woman will win. 

There are also things I can do to make you tell the truth so...clean this up before I do!

I'm losing my patience with your legal games.  I've played ball for three years.  Don't make me throw a curve ball back at cha.  You will lose. 

Don't make me expose you,

S.

P.S.  I won't sleep tonight.  I'll go to bed scheming ways to bring this out into the national spotlight.

The Siegfred Dance

I'm tired of staying in my room by myself and doing the Siegfred dance. 

Do you want to know how to do the Siegfred dance? 

It is unpleasant but it draws men to you like flies. 

This is how its done. 

Don't have sex for three years. 

Men can smell that. 

They know. 

Men are an interesting lot.  They always sense a woman in distress; if they are attracted to you and psychologically available they will want to help you in that department. 

Trust me, chivalry is far from dead. 

If men can sense that you are alone.  They'll go out of their way to help.  Men will keep you company at boring parties.  They bring flowers.  They buy wine.  They try to buy you dinner.  One guy even bought something to keep the bees from buzzing around my flaming locks at an outdoor event.

At some point a man will inevitably offer you a ride somewhere, grab your hand, or offer some opportunity to go to second base. 

That's when I hit them with the "I am still married" factoid.  Granted, most of these guys know me on some level and tend to be shocked at the revelation that there is a husband that they actually never see. 

That's when it gets quiet for a moment.

There is always this moment where the guys will look down as if they are having an internal conversation before their demeanor turns to one of lustful concern and they'll ask me why they've never met him, why I don't sound too enthused when I speak of him, or as one hot Scorpio put it "[I] don't act like [I'm] getting banged every few hours". 

"I don't want to hurt anyone," I say.  "Besides, I'm in the public eye.  I have to behave.  You understand, don't you?" 

 Damn...this has got to end.

I can put a stop to it for $3,000.  Attorney fees seem like a bargain now. 

Maybe....it's time to tell Mr. S to talk to me or find someone else.  The loneliness is getting to be a bit to much.  For several years, I have been praying for love to come into my life.  This morning, the realization struck that the universe is trying to answer that prayer, I just haven't been open to finding it with someone who is unfamiliar. 

Wow, that IS something to think about.

Maybe it is time to move on. 

Love ya,

S.

Stupid Sh!theads

Darn stupid childish leftist activists. 

Stupid...stupid...stupid...I can't say that enough.  Darn it to heck.  You don't understand what you're doing, do you?  In your desperation, you're ruining your own cause.  I'm going to bet I'm not the one frustrated by your inability to work within the system in a fair and honorable manner. 

Darn you!! 

I was close to getting something these people wanted.  I was researching ways to sell the unions to the voters out here...but....they screwed it up.  So close to the election, too. 

What in the holy heck are they thinking?

I was really, really super close and then they go and pull crap like this.   It doesn't matter how smooth or persuasive I am.  I cannot sell them to anyone now. 

What are they doing? 

Let me tell you!

They are threatening to send piles of human waste products (#2) to tea party activists.  I am not a member of the tea party.  I hate high taxes, especially those that are regressive in nature.  I hate abusive behavior.  I hate the idea of discriminating against women, or brown people, or  poor people, or people who are Muslim. 

That last one is the thing that pisses me off the most.  How can we have liberty if we are running around spreading blatant lies about a religion due to our own government corruption.  Crap...

Makes me wish I had a Believer Djinn, so I could curse racist people to study the Koran and understand it.  Okay...that's not going to happen, and my Muslim friends would be horrified at the thought of messing with the supernatural, but it's a fun fantasy nonetheless.

I freakin' Hate hate. 

Yes, I am well aware of the hypocricy of hating hate but...there you have it! 

I HATE hate!  Therefore I do not identify with tea partiers and, as of now, I am finding my sympathy for union members waning.

Oh, and if a man threatened to send shit to my door, the appropriate response would be something akin to

'When you arrive on my doorstep, you massive pile of shit, I will be stirring your tea with a baseball bat.  Would you like one lump or two?"

Idiots!!! 

Dear unions, please check your rhetoric.  You're losing support!  Seriously, as of this moment I can think of one person running for elected office who is awfully damn thankful that she refused your money.  I feel sorry for any poor chump who got your endorsement.  You probably cost that dear soul an election.   

Thankfully, there is another and cheaper option for the local moronic employer that doesn't believe federal law applies to them.  I'll just have to persuade someone in a different jurisdiction to help me make it so. 

Another option could be to stick it out here for another two years and run for office myself or persaude someone I trust to run. 

Or not... 

Either way, I'll get it done. 
  
Love,

S. 

Check out this Facebook page: <copied and pasted from this Facebook link: http://www.facebook.com/JustenCharters#!/event.php?eid=111864428919092>

Justen C.  is a teabagging douche who needs to be bitch-slapped back into the womb and then retroactively aborted. But since we can't really do that, we can let him know what a miserable piece of shit he is by mailing our bowel movements to him.

This cunt is the founder of "Dear Citizen" and his you tube channel is full of hateful, despicable tebaggery.

The Tea Party full of half-wits, cunts and assholes like Justen! So this event is simple all you need is to eat at Taco Bell or Pancake House and work up a big, steaming pile of shit. Pinch that loaf into a plastic bag and send it to Justen.

Mail the fruit of your colon to:

Justen C.
 Address Removed
Hillsboro, OR 97006

Do it for America!

The Worship of Fama

On the bright side, the evil rumors and the gossip seem to have stopped.  They've still destroyed my life but, maybe, it was meant to be.  Ask me in a year. 

Maybe the rumors were supposed to show me the truth about my relationship and how strong I really am. 

I don't know. 

I started off with the intention of making the bully's tactics famous, so that the people in charge couldn't use and abuse them anymore.  I thought I was saving people. 


Who the heck would have ever conceived of this?  Geez!

This has been the longest fifteen minutes of my life.  I'd throw it all away for the one thing my heart desires. 

What I really need, is to understand what in the world I was meant to do, roll up these damn sleeves and get it done. 

Alas....Que Sera Sera. 

Love ya, 

S.