Ex Sex

What the heck is romantic about trying to get under the covers with an estranged lover?

Nothing....

Here is a sampling of lyrics sung by a songwriter/artist who wrote a song about seducing his ex without trying to work through their stuff...

It's gonna be a cool night
Just let me hold you
By the firelight
If it don't feel right
You can go

The man who sings this song has a name similiar to my ex. Perhaps there is something with the name. I don't know. My estranged spouse has made it clear that he wants me to be with him but I am not to think, feel, share, talk, solve problems or have a life of my own; I do find this quite humorous. This morning I was informed that I am an extension of him who should be able to read his mind and do his bidding.

Well, then, if I am an extension of him akin to his right hand...he can command his hand to take care of his needs. It is the same thing, right?

Having no thoughts, no voice, no opinions and no place makes me feel slightly less valuable than a blow up doll.

Last night, he sent me a naughty poke via Facebook. When he approached me last night with the intention of doing the same thing in real life, I mentioned the hammer under my bed and asked him to leave.

He did.

What is it with ex sex?

I was married as a teenager. It was a very short 18 month stint in which the groom proclaimed that I was "a better mistress than a wife" and he wanted a divorce. He then proceeded to marry his beautiful mistress. They are still together. It pains me to hear them complain about each other. Karmic justice can be painful.

Four years ago, while visiting and showing off the backseat of his new car, my ex husband winked at me and I realized that he meant what he had said so many years ago. I think he was embarassed by that exchange - he never came to the house again at a time when my spouse was not at home. Over the years, there were other times when he was more openly naughty about his intentions but he was usually drunk so they may or may not count. No, I never had the heart to tell his mistress turned Mrs.

Honestly, though, maybe Roscoe is right. I'm a horrible wife. Men are only interested in me on a sexual level once we break up. That makes no sense.

I don't know why that would be.

Sigh....

Last August, I wanted to go out to California to study Erotic hypnosis. My ex and I were in the break up stage of our on again, off again marriage and I was confused. I mean really, are we a couple or not?
I don't know.
So, if I am tempted by someone else I may or may not be cheating. I try to avoid other men to an extent that I end up giving up things that I want to do when someone who has expressed an interest in me will be in attendance. The last thing I want to do is to hurt anyone.
Men can smell desperation. I can lie and say that I'm okay but men always seem to know the truth.
Last summer, I realized that going to the beach, near the sea that birthed Aphrodite, with men who share a similiar passion for hypnosis while studying the uses of trance on improving the sexual experience may or may not be a good thing for someone who is lonely as heck...
Would a starved vegan be tempted to eat huevos when presented in an eye-catching fashion?
Trust me, if not one of those men in the group liked me, I am sure there were others somewhere within 50 miles who would have been somewhat interested in learning new techniques. It is a big city and I understand that my current crush would have been near that area.
Going to California would have been a disaster waiting to happen.
Luckily, I was called to jury duty the same day the class was set to start, so I took that as an omen and would up irritating a judge rather than working myself up in sexual frustration.
Last month, I ordered the Erotic hypnosis training videos. I had originally planned on watching them today. I may or may not do this now out of my fear that I will allow myself to wallow in self-pity. I know I will give pause to think the most negative thoughts in the world; they always start off with
If only I had a....
I wish I could find....
What if.....
That is why I am blogging rather than watching hightly anticipated videos. Maybe I'll take a hot bath, some valarian and L-Tyrosine before loading up the DVD player.
Love ya,
Siegfred