Okay, my saga with the gossip and hearsay from the lawyers and others representing the City has become more, how do I say this....
ummmm,
confusing and strange.
Today, I found a letter from the State unemployment agency just sitting there on the kitchen table. Three words glared at me and I tried not to look at it. On the front page was a sentence about how an unnamed co-worker claimed that my estranged spouse was bothering her with "heated discussions with his wife."
Say what?
This man exhibits heat related to me?
Really?
Where????
When????
Really????
Are your sure that was my Iceman?
Are you sure he was talking to me?
Someone made that up, they had too.
But there it was, plain as day in a legal document.
We have heated discussions? After sixteen years???
Lady, we haven't needed air conditioning in this house since 2001. I'm serious...come over for tea on the hottest day of the year. You'll need a jacket.
I have to know, are these heated sexual discussions? Are they angry heated discussions? Is the person spouting that into the public record sure that these conversations took place? Are they sure he was speaking to me???
You've got to be kidding!! I don't think I could evoke an emotional response from the man anymore.
Hmmmm.....
Okay, maybe he has a mistress?
Could he have been talking to her?
The way his former supervisor is spreading gossip about me makes me think she was bopping him at lunch. Okay, he hasn't come home with that happy glow that only a wife knows. So it is doubtful that they got "it" on.
Why me?
They claim that I was a battered wife. If they publicly blame me for his departure from his job and publicly humiliate him before sending him home, don't they think that he'd beat the crap out of me?
It is possible that my estranged spouse was gossiping about me in an attempt to be emotionally abusive. If so, his former supervisor and her attorney are continuing this abuse by publicly relaying the gossip as the gospel truth. I don't think my tax dollars should pay someone to defame me.
Do they get that they can't do this, yet?
Probably not.
October is domestic violence awareness month! I'm taking this to the local media (maybe some station will pick it up after the election - or next year). The City Manager, the Mayor, and my City Councilman ignored me. Perhaps I can find someone to do a story on how people should handle office gossip related to domestic violence.
My advice, if you know of a credible threat or incident of domestic violence, call the police and report only what you know. Don't add or detract from the story. The police officers can decide whether or not to investigate. It is their job. You can only do what you can do.
If you're not sure if what you know constitutes a credible threat, contact your local domestic violence shelter and ask someone. They will educate you and advise.
That's it.
Don't risk becoming a target of an abuser. Don't spread gossip that you cannot confirm that may make the situation worse.
ummmm,
confusing and strange.
Today, I found a letter from the State unemployment agency just sitting there on the kitchen table. Three words glared at me and I tried not to look at it. On the front page was a sentence about how an unnamed co-worker claimed that my estranged spouse was bothering her with "heated discussions with his wife."
Say what?
This man exhibits heat related to me?
Really?
Where????
When????
Really????
Are your sure that was my Iceman?
Are you sure he was talking to me?
Someone made that up, they had too.
But there it was, plain as day in a legal document.
We have heated discussions? After sixteen years???
Lady, we haven't needed air conditioning in this house since 2001. I'm serious...come over for tea on the hottest day of the year. You'll need a jacket.
I have to know, are these heated sexual discussions? Are they angry heated discussions? Is the person spouting that into the public record sure that these conversations took place? Are they sure he was speaking to me???
You've got to be kidding!! I don't think I could evoke an emotional response from the man anymore.
Hmmmm.....
Okay, maybe he has a mistress?
Could he have been talking to her?
The way his former supervisor is spreading gossip about me makes me think she was bopping him at lunch. Okay, he hasn't come home with that happy glow that only a wife knows. So it is doubtful that they got "it" on.
Why me?
They claim that I was a battered wife. If they publicly blame me for his departure from his job and publicly humiliate him before sending him home, don't they think that he'd beat the crap out of me?
It is possible that my estranged spouse was gossiping about me in an attempt to be emotionally abusive. If so, his former supervisor and her attorney are continuing this abuse by publicly relaying the gossip as the gospel truth. I don't think my tax dollars should pay someone to defame me.
Do they get that they can't do this, yet?
Probably not.
October is domestic violence awareness month! I'm taking this to the local media (maybe some station will pick it up after the election - or next year). The City Manager, the Mayor, and my City Councilman ignored me. Perhaps I can find someone to do a story on how people should handle office gossip related to domestic violence.
My advice, if you know of a credible threat or incident of domestic violence, call the police and report only what you know. Don't add or detract from the story. The police officers can decide whether or not to investigate. It is their job. You can only do what you can do.
If you're not sure if what you know constitutes a credible threat, contact your local domestic violence shelter and ask someone. They will educate you and advise.
That's it.
Don't risk becoming a target of an abuser. Don't spread gossip that you cannot confirm that may make the situation worse.
.
If you have a security guard or a police officer that you work with on a daily basis, do not ask him to publicly humiliate the person suspected of being a batterer without the benefit of an investigation (even if you claim to be sleeping with him). If he is a batterer, the victim will pay for it. If he isn't, well, that's the basis for a lawsuit, now isn't it.
.
I want the powers to be at the City to assure me that they've investigated the matter and changed their policies. A Tax Audit Supervisor cannot diagnose someone with a mental health disorder and spread unconfirmed rumors of a crime to a police officer who then acts as though someone is guilty without the benefit of an investigation. A good lawyer who represents he citizens, cannot possibly defend such behavior, either. Nor can she threaten or harass a citizen who only wants to make sure that it doesn't happen to another soul again!
Why doesn't the HR department have a policy with regard to suspicions of an employee having a "rage disorder"? Why doesn't management refer these employees to the EAP program?
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The powers that be also need to revisit the procedures and limits on fining families for allegations that cannot be proven. I have a copy of court transcripts that state that there was no proof of the allegations that caused my savings to be raided of $500. Why not just dock the worker's pay? Why make his spouse pay for it? Stop....think...how would this influence one's perception of the City as a place a small business owner would want to invest in?
.
Is that too hard to do? Is that too much to ask? Funny, I have told this story to State politicians, heads of unions, and other business owners. No one believes that the City would find someone $500 without warning. They're shocked when I show them the paperwork. I haven't even shared the hearing transcripts when the attorney admits to having no proof of the allegations.
.
I tried to tell my City councilman. I tried to tell the City Manager. I tried to tell the Mayor. Now, it is my duty to tell anyone else who will listen what is going on. After all, it's our money being wasted by the pride and arrogance of a few city employees.
If someone at the City wants to make me shut-up, the powers that be may want to consider donating the $500 they fined (oops, I mean stole) from my family to the Battered Women's shelter and then match another $500. I'll shut-up when I get a copy of a receipt over the amount of $1,000 in the mail (and they stop defending the rouge employee who spreads crap about me). That will be a win-win.
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Maybe, I should take that back...Perhaps the shelter will profit more if I promise them the money that I receive (after attorney fees) from a possible lawsuit. I am afraid that if I do not pursue this, another family will be harmed via gossip and lies of city employees.
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Here's a hint for employers defending dysfunctional bosses in decision making positions. It is usually best to problem solve before you piss people off to the point of talking to lawyers. And, when the target of the lies tells your lawyer that she is looking into the legality of the matter, it is generally best not to allow the former boss to make up more garbage to spout publicly. Above all, do not allow the hostile gossip to testify and put the lies into the public record!!
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Most people can be civil and make their case from the stand point of truth. If your client depends on hearsay, becomes very animated, and seems to know too much about someone he or she has never met - odds are she's not telling the truth.
And, yeah, I really want to tell the City Attorney one additional thing. Do not, ever, allow your paralegal to stuff paperwork into a mailbox. You may want to explain to her that (1) this is not proper service and (2) it is against Federal law. You also may want to let her know the name of the boss, too. She couldn't tell me when I asked the name of the person who needed to hear my feedback about the legal department. I found that odd.
And, yeah, I really want to tell the City Attorney one additional thing. Do not, ever, allow your paralegal to stuff paperwork into a mailbox. You may want to explain to her that (1) this is not proper service and (2) it is against Federal law. You also may want to let her know the name of the boss, too. She couldn't tell me when I asked the name of the person who needed to hear my feedback about the legal department. I found that odd.
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Those are my tax dollars at work.
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Until there is a resolution, I will move onward and forward....eventually someone will take this seriously!!!
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P.S. Over the past few years, I've had to become a sounding board for a man sick of hearing about his female boss's disappointing sexual escapades. If it makes Ms. Gossip feel better, your issue is nothing that self-hypnosis can't solve. At least, I know that the worst gossip this sexual harassing snot spreads is about herself!
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P.S.S. I'm posting this publicly just in case someone else is going through the same type of discrimination on the part of the City.
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I am frustrated and truly want things to change, so much so, that I will testify for free as to my experience. My estranged spouse is so pissed he's agreed to do the same thing.
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Many of the lies told about him were the same lies used to fire other co-workers. The difference is that we have proof of the lies in writing (the disciplinary action/fine says one thing...the unemployment comp appeal letter says another...and the lawyer said different things at the hearing that are documented on the transcripts - on the whole, the HR doesn't look too credible). Have your lawyer contact me and I'll put you in touch. If this has happened to you...keep your chin up and have faith it will all work out.
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Rest assured, there are smoking guns that I haven't written about in this blog....but we have filed complaints with the Federal Government. Something fishy is going on at the City.
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If that lawyer hadn't yelled and poked fun at me, I wouldn't have dug for the information either. So, maybe I should thank her.
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I did learn one thing from her. When hiring a lawyer, get one who has the qualities of a loyal guard dog. Stay away from the ones who are rabid because they bite friends and foe alike. That's not a good thing. You never know whose curiosity an attack dog is going to trigger. Someone is going to want to know what all that snarling is truly about - and that someone may just find out.
This is gonna be some good ol' mean fun, ain't it?
(yeah, yeah I grew up in the sticks....we plain talkin' folk like[s] to take care of those slick n' slippery fast talkin' nasty types...they tend to slither 'way out yonder...when they've been smoked out of der hole).
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Just give it time....eventually...the head of this stupid fiasco will disappear. We just have to find the identity of the abusive narcissist who allows this to continue. Only a narcissist would think he could get away with such garbage. Narcissist bullies are easy to mess with because their egos make them very fragile. They are so easy to smoke out and their nastiness will eventually show through. Sure, they have their rage fits and threaten to destroy people in the process - and they'll try. Eventually, though, they wind up hanging themselves.
Trust me.
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