Well, the false allegation of domestic violence made by my husband's ex-boss has started to dent my reputation. I don't know what to think.
The police never investigated the claim of domestic violence. It was a rumor. A police officer treated my estranged spouse as though he was guilty - there was no investigation, no arrest, or no trial. In my mind, that minimizes the case of men and women who truly need to escape violent family situations.
I have never met anyone my spouse worked with at the city. I have met the Mayor and members of the City Council but that was in connection to the volunteer work my daughter did as a member of the City Youth Commission. I never wanted to involve myself in my spouse's affairs.
Still, how can someone be guilty without an investigation? I was once a victim's advocate. I called the agency with which I used to volunteer for clarification about the law mandating that police officers investigate credible reports of domestic violence and I didn't get anywhere.
Do you know why?
There is a stigma when you're a perceived to be a victim of domestic violence. Whenever you try to validate the man in question, it is assumed that the man beats you and put to up to clearing his name.
I'm not only trying to clear his name. I'm trying to clear my name. I've been offered domestic violence help and counseling because, now I am perceived as "a victim".
Really, no one can cry wolf and expect people to listen when a true predator knocks on the door!
You know, I aspire to become State Certified as a domestic violence counselor as part of my training in Drug and Alcohol counseling. I don't know if this will hurt my chances of reaching that goal. This could be a wonderful learning opportunity or a personal hell. I don't which way the pendulum will swing yet.
There are court transcripts with other snippets of gossip that pertain to my psycho-social-physical health as seen through the eyes of my husband's ex-boss. I am currently awaiting them.
How can an accountant diagnose someone with a mental health disorder?
How can she make assumptions about someone she's never met and spout them in court?
I have to ask if this is pure projection on the part of the accountant. Does she need to get help for victim issues in her past? If so, she can always call the Denver Safe house: I refer women there all the time. The few abused men I've met usually end up in therapy and being taken in by family. There is no where for them to go. I'd love to see a men's group start a safe house because as women gain power the problem will continue to grow but that's another blog entry.
As far as what is happening now...I have so many questions...
Why won't anyone at the city listen to me?
This practice is a liability waiting to happen.
Do you know who will pay for it?
We will, every single citizen of this city will pay for it because.....
if it happens to me...it will happen to someone else.
To sue or not to sue....that is the question.
Maybe, I'll be better off sharing the story with the public.
The implications from this experience seem to be more harmful to men than women. Most of the gossip was used to discriminate against my estranged spouse.
If you have a husband, a son, brother, a father, an uncle, or a male friend....you'd probably want to do something, too.
This needs to change, now!
P.S. My neighbor just warned me about the city. I was informed that they would use any means necessary to harm my reputation and make me look bad.
Why would they need to do that?
I called my City Councilman about the cities procedures regarding the EAP program. I wanted to know where to send my inquiry about the EAP program. I never received an answer.
He had an Assistant City Attorney call me. When the lawyer yelled at me and told me about the gossip's lies, all I wanted to know was who to write about her obnoxious behavior and the fact that the lies influenced the HR department in a negative manner. A city paralegal told me that there was no one to write.
Now, I need to know who to share hearing transcripts containing gossip with in order to point out that gossip and discrimination are commonplace at the city and that someone needs to investigate it. They also need to define their procedures regarding domestic violence cases (maybe train the supervisors a little better and tell people about the EAP).
Do you see how things blow up when they are ignored?
Why make a villian out of a taxpayer?
It won't shut me up.
I know my motivations: I want to make things better for my neighbors.
The people who are lying need to check their motivations. Why would they badmouth someone that they have never met?
Things do not make sense, yet.
They will.
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