The most painful things - hugs and giraffes

So, I've had two relationships since that day in '87 when I realized that Tom and I were never going to be together. I tried to move on.

Here is the weird thing...when each of these men got stupid, Tom was there.

The first one stalked me, tried to kill me, and put me in the hospital numerous times. That was unwelcome...that was stalking...that was creepy.

I don't know if he told the truth about an encounter Tom allegedly had with him. I don't know, I wasn't there. Still, I took drastic measures to hide...

I changed my name, my hair, my face and...you know...I even changed my eye color with hypnosis. They used to be dark brown. Now they're emerald green.

My first husband thinks I married my high school sweetheart. I don't argue anymore, whatever makes him think he was the victim in our relationship is a-okay by me because it means he'll stay far away from me.

He's the kind of man that I can love at a distance...the farther the better.

The second one lets his family stalk me for him. He claims not to be aware of it -but- he must know. It's been going on for 20 years now...it hurts.

Oh, and he used to call me Mrs. [Tom's last name] and claimed that it was due to my career [a famous hypnotist shares my first love's name]. He calls me that because he used to hear me talk in my sleep when we shared a room.

He recently told me he was jealous of Tom because he has my loyalty. If his cousins or old friends from high school speak ill of my old flame, I get upset and defend him. Tom never beat me, stole from me, punched holes in the walls of my home, or stalked me.

God always brings Tom into my life right before all hell breaks lose.

When I promised myself that I would never allow myself to care for anyone anymore, he arrives.

Why?

This hurts.

And that damn giraffe...the one he gave me in Feb. '87 turned up on the floor again. That sucker is a memory trigger...I remember...I don't really want to...

it hurts to know I was so stupid and I caused so much pain to one I care for so deeply.

The point of this is that the people who are stalking me know their contact is unwanted. One was served with a restraining order in '91, the other trio of troublemakers received a no-contact letter co-authored by my lawyer after threatening to attack one of my friends from high school way back in '01.
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Restraining orders and no-contact orders do not do a lick of good. On the other hand, telling stalkers that you can hypnotize them into telling the truth in front of a police officer is highly effective. Since doing that, the trio of troublemaking stalkers related to Mike never confront me, only the people around me.

That is, until the day I went out to lunch with Tom. I was confronted by someone I think was spying on us. I don't know what they'd think they'd see....stupid people. If they are that in need of a show, they need to rent some porn - Geez! They've stalked me so much over the years, they ought to know I'm as celibate as a Mennonite school girl living by herself on a deserted island somewhere.

They went too far when they had their friend start harassing my associates. I'm the last person they want to piss off right now.

Anyway....

Tom, dear friend, you are welcome into my life. I just don't want to fill your beautiful brain with my sadness and pain and it's more fun to hear your voice than my own. I trust you completely, I just don't want to waste those few precious moments I spend with you talking about my boring life.

Stop hiding in the shadows and come into the light.


I don't know what kind of friendship we can have...or if we can have one at all given the past...but I'm here for you. I realize now that you've always been here for me.

Love ya,

S.

P.S. Oh, I should probably state that I did not get married or change my name...I'm playing with my stalkers. No matter what, I'll fight the temptation to change my appearance again and hide again..but at 41, I really, really want cosmetic surgery...

Yeah, yeah...you're right. I don't like pain so I'll probably will let my body look like a worn out old sock as I age.

P.S.S. No matter what - LIVE! I don't care what you do, just be happy. Even if you never see me again...please know that you're loved.