I like living in the clouds....

Fantasy Interruptus: a state that occurs when reality intrudes upon fantasy.

Living in a Barbie World

Barbies I'd like to see:

Wet Blanket Ken- A critical and narcissistic male who just knows that he is better looking, smarter, and more intelligent than anyone else in the world. He comes complete with Minoxidil, wrinkle cream, expensive looking suite and Porsche.

Bitter Barbie- Ken's estranged wife. She comes complete with rubber alimony checks, hairy legs, cigarettes, a size 6 top and size 18 jeans.

Materialistic Barbie- The beautiful yet top heavy doll that Ken finds at the local strip bar. She comes with weighted shoes to keep her from blowing forward in the wind.

Voodoo Theresa- complete with tiny Wet Blanket Ken doll (don't forget the shrunken head) and lots and lots of black pins. She can send Wet Blanket Ken packing to the nearest respected witch doctor (oops, I mean psychiatrist) for a magic potion (sorry, I mean Prozac).

Amazon Warrior Barbie - Complete with sword, net (for catching her prey), and a cage for keeping him in. Never mind, that's probably going a bit too far. It is completely unnecessary because Wet Blanket Ken will get himself tangled up in some kind of mess anyway.

Truthful Objective

To Serve and Collect: an honest motto for the Denver Police Department in light of their known traffic ticket quotas (2 tickets per hour).

Intelligent Design (Part Two)

I always thought that it was weird that the Creator put a reboot device on men. For instance, the men I know will be talking about something interesting and about to come upon an epiphany that could, perhaps, explain the meaning of life, the universe and everything and then it invariably happens - a beautiful woman walks by. Of course, my friend stops talking while staring at her and loses his train of thought. The subject is rarely spoken about again.

Hmmmm... I wonder if this is God's way of keeping us from figuring out his secrets!

I guess a little mystery is a good thing.

Just Say No....

How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?"

- Albert Einstien

Research shows that falling in love for the first time triggers the opiate receptors in the brain: in other words, your first love becomes your drug. Think about it, you are probably someone's crack!!

Psychic Storehouse

Ether-net: The Collective Unconscious

Mind-F*ck

Psychotherapist (psycho-the-rapist) (n): A person trained to play with your mind.

Do you need an asprin?

My husband's family is proud of the close relationships they foster with their kin. Yes, when they refuse to allow me to attend family functions they are fond of reminding me that "blood is thicker than water".

Sure enough, but, if it gets abnormally thick you're bound to have a clot so big it impairs the blood flow to the brain!!

That certainly explains a lot....

Proof of Intelligent Design

Our Creator must be benevolent and kind: the more I age, sag, wrinkle, and gray, the more I lose my eyesight. The wonderful benefit of this is that I do not stress about my appearance simply because I cannot see myself.

Let's Throw A Party

Pity Party: Those times when you are down and out and feeling sorry for yourself and doing nothing except dwelling on the very thing that makes you feel so bad.

Related nouns:

Pity Party Song: The song that you play repeatedly during your pity party (i.e. Love Stinks by - J. Geils Band, You Can't Always Get What you Want - The Stones, Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me- Grant-Lee Phillips).

Pity Party Food: The only food that you eat during your pity party (i.e. ice cream, chocolate,potato chips).

Pity Party Drink: Any form of alcohol, as Bobby Bare once sang "Pour me another tequilla, Sheila").

Pity Party Friends: Well, if you have this you're lucky...What is it they say? Laugh and the world laughts with you, cry and you cry alone.

He already Ran Away With The Circus!

Clown Widow: The woman who seemingly attracts heterosexual, kind, honest men without a hint of personality disorder but turns them into bisexual, schizoid, matricidal ax-murderers by the end of the relationship. The men usually leave her for other men, mental institutions or prison and take all of her dresses and undergarments for their own personal use.

Wanna Run Away to the Circus?

Clown Magnet: A woman who attracts eccentric, strange, and bizarre men anywhere she goes. Her suitors generally speak of their sexual interest within five minutes of the initial meeting and tend to be blind to any jewelry on her left hand.