Sexist pigs and paid sex

Not too long ago, I met an old friend who bragged about his money, his travels, and the ladies that he bought with that money. He apologized for shocking me with that information.

It's really no big deal. I hear that kinda stuff all of the time. I, unfortunately, have family in the sex trade. Some of my relatives think that selling sex is the only way to make $200 an hour. This, of course, is not true. I know of one way to make more than $200 an hour without getting your hands, or any part of your body or mind, dirty.

One of my relatives calls herself an Escort. She looks just like me except she bleaches the heck out of her hair and pretends to be ten years younger than her true age. Why can't I get away with that?

I guess the name Escort fits well....lots of men like Fords and they know that you drive an Escort and run it into the ground (because its a cheap car). You don't take Escorts to the movies or to parties, they simply provide the transportation to your destination.

And so it is...

I get to hear the gross stories, including the one about the guy that wanted my picture in the treatment room. That brings up so many questions for me, such as;

Why are they seeing my picture?,
Do I need to make funny faces or wear grouncho marx frames while posing for the Christmas cards from now on so I can scare the clients away?,
Does that dude is need glasses or is he sick? This could be concerning.,
and
Who was the photographer for that photo and can I hire him again?

But let me tell you what I do know... From what I hear, her clients tend to be abusive and obnoxious. They aren't very nice. They tend to be sexist, rude, smelly, cheap, and exude poor grooming.

If I could tell John Honey (my former friend) one thing, it is this....

Nice men usually don't have to pay for it!

.

If you were nicer, I'd have invited you over for a holiday dinner and you could've had your fill of eye candy.