Beautiful Beats

The most beautiful feeling in the world can be contained within a hug.

Oh, I underestimated the comfort found in the arms of a long lost friend that I believed to have been lost forever.

In those few moments, I noticed

how his eyes still sparkle in the sunshine,
how his arms are still strong and powerful,
how his hands vulnerably long for a connection,
how he trusted me still in spite of my stupidity,
and how his voice still resonates within me.

I am still shocked at my excitement that after years of praying and worrying for him,
his heart still beats in perfect rhythym.

That, to my ears, is the most beautiful sound in the world. The memory of that sound, coupled with those few moments, actually reduces me to tears.

No matter what, I am grateful for the opportunity to hear it.
It meant the world to me.

My personal lesson of the week

There is one sure fire way to predict which day you'll end up in an emergency room.

Here is the process. First, you need to become so sick that you neglect to do your laundry for several days. On the day when the only thing you have left is novelty underwear with a very explicit statement on the front you will be practically guaranteed an embarrassing ambulance ride.

It worked for me!

Your results may vary.

Another Love Quote posted by Lady Xanax

What else is love but understanding and rejoicing in the fact that another person lives, acts, and experiences otherwise than we do…?

~Friedrich Nietzsche

 

An Explanation of Sorts...

Vertigo is the conflict between the fear of falling and the desire to fall.

~Salman Rushdie

***

With this in mind, it is equally plausible that one has mentally fallen and doesn't want to physically show it for fear of doing more harm than good to the gentleman in question. When one loves, one only wants what is best for the object of her affections.

Sigh...

Love is undefinable and unpreventable. It is a force once cannot control or stop. It's there and I cannot do a darn thing about it. The only thing that I can do now is be honest about it. I made the mistake of avoiding my feelings: I think that created a lot of anxiety in myself and thus the vertigo.

Ah, live and learn.

 

Witch Doctors and Pills...

Formerly, when religion was strong and science weak, men mistook magic for medicine; now, when science is strong and religion weak, men mistake medicine for magic.

~Thomas Szasz

***

Well, Xanax doesn't work for my Vertigo. It's time to visit my Shaman. That always works.

I'll be back soon with clearer thoughts.

Love ya,

S.

***

Edit 9/1/09: okay, all it took was a chakra balancing session.

So far, so good. I guess the best medicine is that in which you truly believe, huh?

We'll see how it goes...

Now, I'm ready to annoy the heck out of everyone again!

Hooray!!!

You Spin Me Round...

Well, the funny things about aging are the little realizations that come along with experience. Sometimes those thoughts actually provide us weird insights into our personal experiences throughout the years. They can be life changing, too.

I've had a lot of time to think over the past few days as my life has revolved around emergency rooms, my bedroom, and low dose Xanax. It's a weird story and I'll explain later in the post.

Last week, I met an old flame. Sigh...He's just as I expected. He's still adorable. He still makes me anxious, anxious enough to sweat, make my head spin, grin like a she-devil, and forget how to speak.

George A. Miller asserted that the human brain can hold seven (plus or minus two) bits of information in working memory at any given time. I was born at the short end of the stick and most of my five or six bits of information are used up thinking about various adult themed activities. That is how I explain my inability to think about more than one thing at a time. I tried explaining that to my first love but couldn't remember Miller's theory let alone the punchline.

Luckily, he remembered the theory and corrected me. Still, that voice made me forget the joke.

Yep, while speaking to this man, I can't even explain the most mundane psychological theory because I forget about everything on my mind except certain thoughts that I will never admit to having in polite company. I actually had to avoid looking into his beautiful blue eyes for fear of self-betrayal.

My personal term for it is Arousal Aphasia caused by decreased blood flow to the brain. It is a phenomenon that I have only experienced with this particular gentleman.

Some things never change, even after two or more decades...

Then it hit me, I should have married someone who induced Arousal Aphasia, thus keeping me quiet.


Think about it. What could be more perfect than a guy who is so hot that he makes his significant other forget how to talk? She can't nag, can't complain, can't verbally tell him to clean the gutters, or pick his dirty tightie whities up off of the bedroom floor. She'll just grin and put into play one of those six thoughts that are being held in short-term memory.

Sigh...

I wonder if this is actually part of the Creator's grand scheme and our innate design. Maybe the Lord actually intended for every woman to get so hot for her love that she can't verbally harass him and mess with his brain over the years.

The older I get the more I appreciate God's vision.

Well, it's too late now. I wish I knew this years ago. So girls, I share this to spare you the trauma. Marry the man who makes you spacey so you don't have a chance to turn into an old snarling female dog like I did. If you can't talk, then you can't nag, and your love can't hate you.

Cool...

And yes, this gentleman still makes me swoon. It was so bad that I had leave early and go home. I may owe him an apology for acting like I just got off a spinning amusement park ride and grabbing him (and no, it was just coffee, and pizza, nothing else...really). Thank goodness we aren't closer: I don't think I'd survive.

That afternoon, I somehow managed the long teary drive home before falling down in the garage. I thought it would end.

It didn't.

Over the next few days, I passed out at a bookstore (looking for a book I promised HIM). I nearly passed out in a class. Riding the Light Rail was tons of fun, too. On the bright side, I'll never have to visit Six Flags again: I'll just carry the man's picture in my pocket.

Over the weekend, my stupor got to the point that my friends forced me to the emergency clinic. I thought I was being stupid until the doctor said gave me a diagnosis of Vertigo and gave me an oxygen mask before hooking me up to an IV. Whoa...seven days later and I'm still dizzy.

The man still has it.

I sure hope he feels like a stud now.

Go forth, my dear friend, and find a hot woman to make swoon into oblivion. Oh yeah, make sure she has health insurance, too.

What is a soulmate?

A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be.

Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise.

 Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life.

~ Richard Bach