True Friendship Poem

Funniest Chain E-Mail I've Ever Received:

Subject: A REAL Friendship Wish I am sick and tired of all those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound so goodie-goodie, but never actually come close to reality! Well, here area series of promises that really address what true friendship is all about:


1. When you are sad - I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad. After all, if you hate them, then so do I! We'll hate them together.

2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge the candy that's choking you. Once it's cleared & you feel better, I'll treat you to a hot fudge sundae with whipped creme and a cherry on top, down at the beach

3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid. And it was good...


4. When you are scared - I will tease you about it, unmercifully, every chance I get. And rent the movie "Psycho," just to calm your nerves, while we eat buttered popcorn & drink coke...You, of course, will already have the chocolate ready...

5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be, tell you to quit whining like a boo-hooing crybaby & askyou where your self-respect is!

6. When you are confused - I will use little words. And try very hard not to laugh too loudly...

7. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again.I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass. Then I will help you up...& take you shopping at the dollar store...


This is my oath; I pledge it till the end. "Why?" you may ask.

Because you are my friend. Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of five and two of them aren't speaking to you right now, anyway.


Remember:A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move the body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel...

Author Unknown

Your Opinion is Noted...

Should is the most important word to listen for in any conversation. Any sentence in which that word, SHOULD, is incorporated is a value judgement. It is a sign of the other person's opinion, his way of seeing the world, and his values. It does not necessarily reflect your own world, your own values, and your own reality. Here are examples:

All men should work 40 hours a week at slave wages.

Everybody should respect their parents wishes even if they risk breaking the law, jail time, and losing their children in doing so.

Women should not make more money, have better titles, or more education than their spouses.

and my absolute favorite should....

Everybody should realize that they are God's gift to the world and follow their dreams realizing that God planted them in their mind in order to make the world a better place.

If You Ask Me....

Never take advice from anyone whose life is more messed up than yours.

Lead Me To The Money Tree....

Weirdest Thing I've Ever Been Yelled at For:

"You did not buy my cousin that $250,000 house. You destroyed her dreams of home ownership!"

The content of a telephone diatribe from my sister-in-law. Apparently, fifteen years ago, I was expected to buy a really nice house for her cousin and they've me never forgiven me for it (that was news to me). O.K. Sweetie, get me a lotto ticket and I'll give it a shot. In the meantime, I can build your cousin a doll house.

The Other Lady of My House

Most Hypocritical Thing I've Ever Heard:

"Women have no right to speak."

This was said by my mother-in-law. I always thought this was a bit hypocritical but I could be wrong: she might be a hermaphrodite.

Hallelujah...

Favorite Passage From a Holy Book:

"Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will; but do some good act for your souls beforehand; and fear God. And know that ye are to meet Him (in the Hereafter), and give (these) good tidings to those who believe. (The Noble Quran, 2:223)"

Feet Taste Bad

Dumbest Thing I Ever Said:

"Wow!!! That must have been an exciting year in your parents' life!!"

I said this while sitting with an elderly in-law, helping her sort through her hope chest. I noted that her parent's anniversary was very close to the birthday of a family member. I couldn't remember whose birthday it was until she altered the date on her parent's marriage certificate to avoid further embarrassment about the circumstances surrounding her birth.

She told me that is how families change history. Luckily, I stopped myself from reminding her that most of her relatives were Mormon and that, well, they probably already had that information.

If it helps, I'm thankful you were born. If they had waited any longer, you might be a part of another family. You're a lot of fun and we're lucky to have you!