"if you read history, many of the three-name people do become assassins."
- Jerry Seinfeld
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I love this quote. It cracks me up. Most of the women that I know are married or have been in the past. Yep, and most of us now have three name monikers.
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I do. Yep. I was previously used two names (first and last). After living several years with that name, making new friends, collecting degrees and professional certificates, I found it silly to get rid of my professional name. On our wedding day, my spouse's parents had such a fit that I wouldn't change my name, I tacked his on to the end of my name at the last moment without thinking. Now, I have the worst monogram in the world: STD.
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Sometimes marriage, in and of itself, is enough to make
some people feel a tad bit homicidal.
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Before our wedding, my spouse and I spoke about the future. We agreed that I could attend college and finish my Ph.D. while working full time. That way, I could make a lot of money and he could take it easy. Unfortunately, several months into our marriage his aunt informed me about a in-law family rule: no woman with the in-law last name is allowed to "outperform" my husband's sister. Worse, my spouse decided that it was best for me to hold back on my career to keep the peace. He was very adamant about it.
Holy Crap!!
Honestly, these type of competitions are usually easy to deal with. One only has to find the other person's definition of success and play up their personal success in another arena. Some people want to be the best baker in the family (the solution would be simply not to bake for her relatives). Some people want to be the financial advice giver (not me), the resident history buff (no problem) or the fix-it guru (have at it). My sister-in-law, who was said to be the up-in-coming matriarch of the family was expected to have the highest level of education, the best-paying and most prestigious job, and the most expensive house. According to the in-law family rules, I cannot bypass her level of success in any of these areas.
The problem is that it is not possible to have less education, a less prestigious job, or less of a home than she has: this thirty-five year old lady has always lived with her parents, has taken a handful of college courses, and hasn't held a steady job, ever. .
I can't shrink myself lower to make someone else feel better about herself!
I can't move in with my parents (they're both buried at Fort Logan Nat'l Cemetary) and I can't give back my college degrees. As for the job, I probably could volunteer somehow, if I didn't get paid and had no official title. Does the local homeless shelter needs an over-educated janitor?
To tell the truth, I'm seriously thinking about changing my name back. I would no longer have the same name as the in-laws and the problem would be solved. Her reputation as the "most successful woman" would be saved in the eyes of her family.
Sadly, no one ever told her that by virtue of being a child of God, she's a winner anyway. She's a winner even if she hasn't discovered her true passion in life yet. When she finds it and acts on it, she wins and so does everyone else.
The problem is that so long as we meet the expectations of others, despite knowing what we were made to do, we will never be ourselves. We will never find our true greatness.
Anyhow, as of now, I still have my three names. I'm an ambitious woman who married into a crazy situation. That's enough to make anyone go wacko. If I finally blow a gasket, I can see how my three names could get me into trouble. .
Getting back to Mr. Seinfeld's remark. His statement is simply untrue. The majority of the people in our country have three names (first, middle, and last) while only a small percentage of the population are serial killers. My guess is that serial killers are called by their full names for two reasons:
If we use the full names of serial killers, we are less likely to confuse them with those poor souls who share their first and last names (So that all the John Does aren't being picked on for the crimes of John Adam Doe). Secondly, serial killers are really, really bad. We all know that bad kids are always called by their first, middle, and last names (as in Shee-ill-aaaahhh Marr-eeee Thommmmas*!!!)
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Well, almost everyone was yelled at with their full name when they were bad little boys or girls. I wasn't. When I was naughty, I often heard my mother bellow
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She-Marie, She-Marah, She-Mar-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-.
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Demeaning, huh?
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Love ya'll,
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S.
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